Things Not To Do After A Breakup: 22 Mistakes To Avoid

Breakups can be tough, and it's natural to feel a range of emotions and to want to take action as soon as possible. However, taking care of yourself and being mindful of your actions after a breakup should be the number one priority.

While it's understandable to want to try to fix things or to move on as quickly as possible, it's essential to be patient and to give yourself time to heal. In this article, we'll explore some things that you should avoid doing after a breakup. 

From trying to be friends right away to jumping into a new relationship too soon, we'll cover common pitfalls to avoid. By the end of this article, you'll have a better understanding of how to take care of yourself and move on in a healthy way.

But first, let’s answer some common questions we get asked after a breakup.

What are the five stages of a breakup?

Breakups are challenging and emotional, and it's natural to go through a range of emotions as you adjust to life after the breakup. Some people may experience the five stages of a breakup, which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages are not necessarily linear and may overlap or be experienced out of order.

In the denial stage, you may feel shock and disbelief about the breakup and may have a hard time accepting that it has happened. In the anger stage, you’ll feel frustrated and angry about the breakup and blame your ex or yourself for what happened. In the bargaining stage, you’ll try to negotiate with your ex or to find ways to get back together. In the depression stage, you may feel sad and overwhelmed by the breakup and experience a loss of interest in activities that you normally enjoy. In the acceptance stage, you may begin to accept the breakup and may start to move on and to heal.

It's essential to be kind to yourself and to allow yourself to feel and process your emotions. Remember to prioritize your well-being and to do what is best for you. Be honest with yourself about your feelings and to consider whether seeking support from a therapist or trusted friend may be helpful in your healing process.

What is the hardest stage of a breakup?

None of the five stages of a breakup are enjoyable. 

As you go through each one you’ll experience different emotions that challenge your day to day life. Most people agree that the depression stage is the hardest out of all of them.

You reach the depression stage after denial, anger and bargaining, so you’re left rueing everything that came before and not having the energy to put up a fight anymore.

In the depression stage, you may feel sad and overwhelmed by the breakup and may experience a loss of interest in activities that you normally enjoy. But always be aware that you will get through this, things will get better and each day that passes is a step closer on your road to recovery. Hopefully it won’t take long before you reach the acceptance stage, where you begin to accept the breakup and heal.

How do you cope with a breakup you don’t want?

Coping with a breakup that you don't want can be a challenging and emotional experience. It's natural to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and grief. It's important to allow yourself to feel and process these emotions and to recognize that breakups are a normal and inevitable part of life. It's essential to be honest with yourself about your feelings and to consider whether seeking support from a therapist or trusted friend may be helpful in your healing process.

Check out our guide for coping with a breakup you don’t want, where we give essential tips and advice for healing.

Now, let’s move onto the things not to do after a breakup.

Things not to do after a breakup

Don’t stalk your ex on social media

One thing to consider after a breakup is whether you should continue following your ex on social media. While it can be tempting to want to keep tabs on their life and see what they are up to, this probably isn’t healthy for you.

Seeing your ex's posts and updates can be emotionally difficult, and it may be hindering the healing process. Be honest with yourself about whether seeing your ex's social media activity is beneficial or potentially harmful to your well-being. 

Let’s face it, it’s probably best to take a break from social media or to unfollow your ex. 

Don’t post about your life on social media

After a breakup, it can be tempting to turn to social media to express your emotions and share updates about your life. But be mindful of what you post and consider how it might be perceived by your ex and others. 

While it's okay to vent to trusted friends and family, it's important to avoid posting anything that might be hurtful or inflammatory. Remember that what you post on social media is public and can have lasting consequences. 

Stay respectful and considerate, even if you are going through a difficult time. It may be helpful to take a break from social media or to be more selective about what you share online. Avoid writing emotional posts only to delete them hours later, people will still see and remember them.

Stop asking mutual friends about your ex 

It’s tempting to want to know what your ex is up to and to try to find out more about their life. Be careful how you go about getting this information and consider whether it is healthy for you. 

Avoid asking mutual friends about your ex, as this can put them in an uncomfortable position and may damage your relationships with them. It's essential to respect your ex's privacy and to give them space after the breakup. 

Remember that it's okay to take some time to process your emotions and to focus on your own well-being.

Don’t talk badly about them

It can be tempting to vent to friends and family or to talk badly about your ex in an effort to process your feelings. But is speaking negatively about your ex helpful or healthy? Probably not. 

Remember that what you say can have lasting consequences. It's important to focus on your own feelings and growth and to avoid dragging your ex's name through the mud. If you find yourself wanting to vent about your ex, it may be helpful to speak with a therapist or trusted friend to work through your emotions in a healthy way.

Don’t compare yourself to their new lover

it's natural to wonder about your ex's new romantic interests and to compare yourself to them. Every person and relationship is different, and it's not healthy to compare yourself to your ex's new lover. It's important to focus on your own growth and well-being and to avoid getting caught up in comparisons or feelings of jealousy. 

Be kind to yourself and to remember that you deserve love and happiness, and you will find it again one day soon.

Don’t wallow

It's okay to take time to process sadness and to allow yourself to experience a full range of emotions. But don’t wallow or let a breakup consume your life. It's important to take care of yourself and to focus on your own growth and well-being. 

This might include exercising, spending time with friends and family, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. It's essential to be kind to yourself and to remember that you deserve love and happiness. Wallowing will only make your feelings last longer.

Don’t stay at home

It's okay to spend a few days at home, watching movies and taking care of yourself. But it’s not healthy to shut yourself away from the world indefinitely. 

Make sure you take care of yourself and focus on your own growth and well-being. Leave your home and take in the experiences the world has to offer. Even if it’s just for a short walk around the block while you process your emotions. Getting up and moving helps you to heal. 

Don’t ignore your health

Never ignore your physical health after a breakup. Continue to eat well, get enough sleep, and engage in self-care. Ignoring your physical health can have negative consequences on your emotional well-being and can make it more challenging to heal and move on. 

Enjoy some fast food and ice cream now and then, but don’t make it a daily ritual. Or you’ll find the heavily processed foods will mess with your body and make you feel even worse. Stick to good nutrition, your body will thank you later. 

Don’t put them on a pedestal

It’s easy to idealize your ex after a breakup. Remember that every person and relationship has its ups and downs, and it's not healthy to put your ex on a pedestal. 

Be honest with yourself about the flaws and challenges in the relationship and to remember that it's okay to move on. Focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship and idealizing your ex can make it more challenging to heal and move on. Do a writing exercise where you write down the five things that frustrated you most about your ex or the relationship. Look at this list each day as you process the breakup, to remind yourself that they are human and they have flaws which contributed to the breakup.

Don’t pretend that you’re not affected 

Pretending that you're not affected by the breakup can be a way of denying or suppressing your emotions, which can be harmful to your mental and emotional well-being. Be honest with yourself and to allow yourself to feel and process your emotions in a healthy way. This might include talking with a therapist or trusted friend, engaging in self-care activities, and finding healthy ways to cope with your emotions. Remember that it's okay to feel a range of emotions after a breakup and that it's essential to be kind to yourself as you heal and move on.

Don’t immediately try to be friends

It's understandable to want to maintain a connection with your ex after a breakup, but it's essential to be mindful of how you go about this and to consider whether it is healthy for you. 

Immediately trying to be friends after a breakup can be confusing and can make it more challenging to process your emotions and to move on. Give yourself and your ex space to process the breakup and to allow yourself time to heal. 

Don’t ignore your work

It's not healthy to ignore your work and day job after a breakup. Continue to engage in your responsibilities and to maintain your professional commitments. 

Ignoring your work can have negative consequences on your career and can make it more challenging to heal and move on. If you find yourself struggling to focus on your work or to engage in your responsibilities, it may be helpful to speak with a therapist or trusted friend to work through your emotions and develop healthy coping strategies. Remember to prioritize your well-being and to do what is best for you.

Don’t let it impact your social life

Spending time with friends, family and engaging in activities are the things that make life worth living. Don’t allow a breakup to consume your social life. Engage with your social network and make an effort to maintain your relationships. 

Letting a breakup affect your social life can be isolating and make it more challenging to heal and move on. 

Don’t immediately start dating again

It's natural to want to find someone new and to try to move on as quickly as possible. But it may not be so healthy to immediately start dating again after a breakup. 

Ask yourself whether you are ready for a new relationship and consider whether it is healthy for you to start dating again. If you do decide to start dating again, it's essential to be open and honest with your new partner about your intentions and to be mindful of your own well-being. 

Don’t see the relationship as a failure 

Breakups are a normal and inevitable part of life. Each one is unique and has its own strengths and challenges. Be honest with yourself about the flaws and challenges in the relationship and to recognize that it's okay to move on. 

Viewing a relationship as a failure can be damaging to your self-esteem and can make it more challenging to heal and move on. It's essential to be kind to yourself and to remember that you deserve love and happiness. Everything we go through in life is a learning experience.

Don’t send drunk texts

One of the top things not to do after a breakup. It can be tempting to want to reach out to your ex and to express your emotions, but you definitely don’t want to be sending drunk texts after having one too many. 

Sending drunk texts can be embarrassing and can have unintended consequences. Sending drunk texts is only going to be harmful to your well-being, and you’ll always regret it in the morning. Stay away from the phone if you’re drinking, or delete your exes number just in case.

Don’t make major life decisions

Making significant life decisions, such as quitting your job or moving to a new city, can be impulsive and can have unintended consequences. 

You don’t want to be taking these kinds of decisions when you’re emotional and heartbroken. If you are thinking about any of these things, make sure you sleep on your decisions first and consult friends to see what they think. They might be the ones to talk you out of making any rash decisions. 

Don’t hang onto their stuff

It can be challenging to let go of the physical reminders of your relationship, such as gifts or mementos. But it's just not healthy to hang onto an ex's stuff after a breakup. Holding onto these items can be a way of holding onto the past and can make it more challenging to heal and move on.

If you find yourself struggling to let go of your ex's stuff, it may be helpful to consider donating or selling the items. Alternatively, you can choose to keep a few sentimental items that are meaningful to you, but it's essential to be mindful of how these items are impacting your emotional well-being. Always do what’s best for you and what’s going to help you heal.

Don’t listen to “your” songs

After a breakup, it's natural to have memories and associations with certain songs or artists that you listened to with your ex. It can be challenging to hear these songs and to not be reminded of your relationship. Try to avoid these songs by skipping your usual playlists or listening to a radio station that plays those tunes. 

Think about exploring new genres of music that you don’t usually listen to. This can open up new avenues of exploration and creativity. Who knows, you might discover an awesome new artist in the process. 

Don’t spend too much time thinking about them

It's not healthy to spend too much time thinking of your ex after a breakup. Be honest with yourself about your feelings and consider whether dwelling on your ex is helpful or harmful to your well-being.

If you find yourself struggling to move on or to stop thinking of your ex, it may be helpful to engage in activities that bring you joy and to focus on your own growth and well-being. Don’t spend longer than ten seconds thinking of an old memory of you two together. Always prioritize your well-being and to do what is best for you.

Don’t say that you’ll never love again

Saying that you'll never love again after a breakup is just not true. You may feel that way now, but saying this to yourself is only going to make you feel worse. 

Saying that you'll never love again can be limiting and can prevent you from finding happiness in the future. Always be open to the possibility of love and remember that you deserve happiness. There’s a life of abundance out there.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve

Always remember your value. Even when you’re going through these stages of a breakup, you need to know that you deserve happiness with someone who deserves you. 

Settling for less than you deserve can be damaging to your self-esteem and can prevent you from finding happiness in the future. You are the prize.

So there you have it, the main things not to do after a breakup so you can give yourself time and space to heal. Still wondering if you and your ex have a chance of getting back together? Check out our exhaustive guide for signs your ex will never come back.