Breaking up with someone is one of the most difficult experiences you’ll ever go through.
After spending years together with someone, it's natural to have feelings of nostalgia and longing for the connection you shared.
If you’ve been broken up for months and been spending this time apart, you may find yourself wondering if it's worth reaching out to your ex. Is it a good idea to try to repair the relationship, or is it best to move on and focus on your own well-being?
In this article, we'll explore the pros and cons of reaching out to an ex after a significant amount of time has passed and offer some tips for how to approach the situation. We'll cover topics such as assessing whether your ex is open to communication, determining whether you are ready, and being honest with yourself about your motivations.
By the end of this article, you'll have a better understanding of whether reaching out to your ex is the right decision for you.
But first, we’ll go through some common questions we get asked about exes reaching out to each other after months apart.
Table of Contents
Why do exes reach out after months?
If only there was a simple answer.
But this all depends on the individual. There are many reasons why exes might choose to reach out to each other after spending time apart. Sometimes former couples feel nostalgic and long for the emotional connection that they shared with their ex. They may have shared meaningful experiences and have strong emotional bonds that make them want to reconnect.
Others may feel remorse for how the relationship ended and want to try to make amends or at least have a chance to explain themselves. They may feel guilty or regretful about the way things ended and want to try to repair the relationship.
Sometimes, people believe that they have both grown and changed since the breakup and want to see if there is potential for a relationship again. They may feel like they have learned from past mistakes and are in a different place emotionally. They may want to see how their ex has changed and find out what they have been up to.
It's important to be honest with yourself about your motivations for wanting to reconnect with your ex and to consider whether it is a good idea to contact them. You also need to see whether your ex is open to communication and whether reaching out will help or potentially harm the both of you. It may be helpful to speak with a therapist or trusted friend to help you work through your feelings and make a decision.
If you do decide to reach out to your ex, you need to be respectful and considerate in your communication. Be honest about your intentions and be open to hearing their thoughts and feelings. Take things slow as you get to know each other again. Remember that it's okay to take time to figure out what you want and what is best for you.
Is it worth reaching out to an ex?
Deciding whether to reach out to an ex after a breakup is a long and emotional decision. Feelings of nostalgia for the connection you shared are normal, and you may feel like you want to try to repair the relationship or at least have a chance to explain yourself and gain closure. However, be honest with yourself about your motivations and to consider whether reaching out to your ex is the best decision for you.
Will your ex be open to communication? Have you had any contact since the breakup, and have they indicated that they are interested in talking? If your ex has explicitly stated that they do not want to communicate or have cut off all contact, it's important to respect their wishes and give them space. Reaching out in this situation could be potentially harmful and could cause more hurt or resentment.
It's also essential to think about whether you are ready to potentially reengage with an old relationship. Have you had time to process the breakup and any lingering emotions? Are you emotionally available and open to a relationship? It's okay to take time to figure out what you want and what is best for you.
When should you not reach your ex?
There are certain situations in which it may be best not to reach out to an ex after a breakup. Here are a few situations in which it may be best not to contact your ex:
If your ex has explicitly stated that they do not want to communicate or have cut off all contact, it's important to respect their wishes and give them space. Reaching out in this situation could be potentially harmful and could cause more hurt or resentment.
If you are not in a good emotional state, it may be best to take some time to process your feelings and work on yourself before trying to reconnect with an ex. It's essential to be honest with yourself about whether you are ready to potentially reengage with an old relationship.
If you are feeling lonely or looking for someone to fill a void, it may be better to focus on your own well-being and take care of yourself instead of trying to reconnect with an ex. It's essential to be honest with yourself about your motivations and to make sure that you are approaching the situation with healthy intentions.
If there are unresolved issues or resentment from the past relationship, it may be better to take some time to work through those emotions before trying to reconnect. It may be helpful to speak with a therapist or trusted friend to help you process your feelings and make a decision.
If there was a history of abuse, verbal or otherwise, during the relationship then it’s best to leave things as they are and not get back in touch. You don’t want to provoke another potentially toxic situation arising.
Remember that it's okay to take time to figure out what you want and what is best for you. It's essential to be honest with yourself and to make decisions that are healthy and beneficial for your well-being.
Now we’ve gone through the common questions, it’s time to step back and really think about whether reaching out to an ex after months is the right thing to do.
Why you might want to reach out to an ex
Nostalgia for the past
Nostalgia for a past relationship can be a strong emotion that prompts you to reach out to an ex after months. You may look back on the good times you shared and feel a sense of longing for that connection again. It could be that you had a strong emotional bond or shared meaningful experiences. Regardless of the reason, the memories of your relationship can be a powerful force.
It's important to keep in mind that nostalgia can also be misleading. It's easy to romanticize the past and overlook the challenges and difficulties that you faced as a couple. It's crucial to be honest with yourself about why you want to reconnect with your ex and whether it is a healthy decision for you.
Feeling remorse
Feeling remorse for how a relationship ended is another reason that people may want to reach out to an ex. You may feel like you made a mistake or acted in a way that caused the relationship to end. You may have had a fight or disagreement that ended things on a sour note. Regardless of the reason, feeling remorse or regret about the way things ended can lead you to want to try to make amends or at least have a chance to explain yourself.
Ask yourself why you are feeling remorse. Are you truly sorry for your actions or just feeling guilty because the relationship ended? Consider whether your ex is open to communication and whether reaching out will be helpful or potentially harmful to both of you. It may be more beneficial to take some time to process your emotions and work on resolving any issues within yourself before trying to reconnect with an ex.
Believing you have changed
Believing that you and your ex have both grown and changed since the breakup can be another reason that you might want to reach out. Maybe you feel like you have learned from past mistakes and are in a different place emotionally. Perhaps you feel like you have become a better person and want to share that growth with your ex. Or, you may simply want to see how your ex has changed and find out what they have been up to.
However, be realistic about whether both parties have indeed grown and changed. It's possible that your ex may not have changed in the way you hoped. Consider whether reconnecting with an ex is the best way to move forward and whether it is a healthy decision for you. It may be helpful to speak with close friends to help you process your feelings and make a decision.
Considerations before reaching out
Is this a good idea?
Before reaching out to an ex, assess whether it is a good idea to contact them. Are you feeling lonely or nostalgic and looking for someone to fill that void? Or do you truly miss your ex and want to see if there is potential for a relationship again? Be honest with yourself about your intentions.
Have you both had time to process the breakup and move on, or are you still dealing with raw emotions? Are there any unresolved issues or resentment that may make it difficult to have a productive conversation? It’s very hard to have a proper conversation unless both of you are emotionally ready for a talk.
Think about your motivations
Take some time to reflect on your emotions and consider whether your intentions are healthy and genuine. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to win an ex back, but it’s not a decision to be taken lightly.
Alternatively you could just be looking for a comforting voice to talk to, someone you used to confide in. But will this impact your current or new relationships?
Think of potential consequences
Will reconnecting bring closure and allow you to move on, or will it reopen old wounds and make it more difficult to let go? Are you prepared to handle any negative emotions that may come up during the conversation or if your ex is not interested in reconnecting?
It's also crucial to consider whether reaching out to your ex is the best way to move forward and whether it is a healthy decision for you. Are you ready to potentially reengage with an old relationship, or would it be more beneficial to focus on yourself and your own growth? This is where talks with friends can help you make an enlightened decision.
How to approach the situation
Think about what to say
If you do decide to reach out to an ex, it's essential to take some time to think about what you want to say. It's natural to feel nervous or anxious about the conversation, especially if it's been a while since you last spoke. Taking the time to plan out what you want to say can help you feel more prepared and confident when reaching out.
Consider what you hope to accomplish with the conversation. Do you want to apologize for any mistakes you made in the relationship? Do you want to see how your ex is doing and catch up on their life? Are you interested in potentially rekindling the relationship? Having a clear idea of your goals can help you stay focused during the conversation and ensure that you are able to effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings.
It's also a good idea to practice self-care before reaching out to your ex. Make sure you are in a good emotional state and have the support of trusted friends and family. Remember that it's okay to set boundaries and take breaks if the conversation becomes overwhelming or stressful. Taking care of yourself will help you feel more grounded and better equipped to handle any challenges that may arise during the conversation.
Think about reaching out through a mutual friend
Reaching out to someone through a mutual friend can be a good way to establish a connection if you don't have any other means of contact. It can also be a more informal and less intimidating way to initiate a conversation. Here are a few things to consider when using a mutual friend as a way to reach out to someone:
- Make sure that it is appropriate to involve the mutual friend. You should only involve them if you have a good relationship with them and if they are comfortable with being a go-between.
- Be clear about what you want from the mutual friend. Explain to them why you want to get in touch with the person and how you think the mutual friend can help.
- Be respectful of the mutual friend's time and energy. They are doing you a favor by helping you make the connection, so make sure to be grateful and to follow through on any commitments you make.
- Be open to the possibility that the mutual friend may not be able to help. They may not feel comfortable reaching out on your behalf, or they may not have a good relationship with the person you are trying to contact. In that case, it may be best to try a different approach.
Keep it light
If you do decide to reach out to an ex, it's a good idea to keep the conversation light and casual at first. This can help ease any tension or awkwardness that may arise, especially if it's been a while since you last spoke. Starting with small talk or catching up on each other's lives can help you both feel more comfortable and build a foundation for further communication.
It's also essential to be mindful of your ex's boundaries and respect their wishes. If they are not interested in continuing the conversation or prefer not to talk about certain topics, it's important to respect their feelings and give them space. Keep in mind that reconnecting with an ex can be a sensitive and emotional experience, and it's essential to approach it with care and consideration.
It's okay to have a casual conversation and see where it leads, but it's also important to be honest with yourself and your ex about your intentions. If you are interested in potentially rekindling the relationship, make sure to communicate that openly and honestly. It's better to be upfront about your feelings than to try to manipulate the conversation or play games.
Moving forward after reaching out to an ex
Do you want friendship or more?
After reconnecting with an ex, it's necessary to determine if a friendship or something more is worth pursuing. Reflect on your emotions and the nature of your relationship. Do you feel a strong emotional connection and shared values? Is there potential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship in the future?
It's crucial to be honest with yourself about whether you are ready for a relationship, either with your ex or with someone else. Have you had time to process the breakup and any lingering emotions? Are you emotionally available and open to a relationship? It's okay to take time to determine what you want and what is best for you.
Communication is crucial to any healthy relationship, and it's vital to be on the same page from the start. If you decide not to pursue a relationship, it's essential to be respectful and considerate in your communication and to give each other space if needed. Remember that it's okay to take things slow and see where the relationship goes.
Not pursuing a relationship, just friendship
If you decide not to pursue a relationship with your ex after reconnecting, be respectful and considerate in your communication. It can be difficult to let go of feelings for someone, but it's essential to be honest with yourself and your ex about your intentions and boundaries. Be clear about your decision and try to have an open and honest conversation about how you both feel.
It's also important to give each other space if needed. It's okay to take a break from communication or to set boundaries to give yourself time to process your emotions and move on. It's essential to respect each other's feelings and needs, even if you are not romantically involved.
If you feel like you need support during this process, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist or trusted friend. It's okay to take care of yourself and prioritize your own well-being. Remember that it's normal to experience a range of emotions after a breakup, and it's okay to take the time you need to heal and move on.
If you want your ex back
If you do decide to try again with your ex after reconnecting, there are steps you can take to regain attraction and build up the romantic connection you once had.
Be mindful that whatever happened in the past is in the past, and attracting your ex is going to be very different this time around. Maybe they’ve changed since the breakup and have different goals or expectations for a relationship. It's important to be open to hearing their perspective and to have honest and open communication about what each of you wants and needs.
It's also a good idea to set clear boundaries and to establish a foundation of trust and respect. This can help create a healthy and fulfilling relationship that is built on mutual understanding and open communication. Remember that it's okay to take things slow and to get to know each other again. It's also important to be patient and understanding as you both navigate this new stage of your relationship.
Getting your ex back
If you’re reaching out to an ex after months and you’re looking to get them back, you need to approach the situation strategically. During this period apart you need to be able to show that you’ve raised your value and there are plenty of things going on in your life to make it rich and fulfilled.
You don’t need this relationship and there’s a life of abundance out there, however if you’ve carefully considered all the scenarios and you’ve landed at the conclusion that you want your ex back, then it’s time to get things underway.
Check out our step-by-step guide to winning your ex back, with practical tips and advice. With nearly 100 pages of content, we provide the essential knowledge you need to build yourself up into the best version of yourself and reconnecting with an ex. Alternatively, check out our guide for making yourself more attractive to women.
