The No Contact Rule in Relationships: When to Use It and How Long to Stay Silent

Breaking up with someone is a difficult and emotional experience, and it's natural to want to look for the best ways to cope and move on. 

One strategy that is spoken about after a breakup is the "no contact rule," which involves cutting off all communication with your ex for a period of time. 

While the no contact rule can be helpful for both men and women, it can be especially useful for men in certain situations.

Below we’ll explain the no contact rule after a breakup and how best to implement this strategy.

What is the No Contact Rule

First, it's important to understand what the no contact rule is and how it works. Essentially, the no contact rule involves completely cutting off all communication with your ex for a set period of time, typically 30 days or more. 

This includes cutting off contact with phone calls, texts, emails, and social media interactions. The goal of the no contact rule is to give you time and space to heal and move on from the relationship, and to help you avoid the temptation to try to reconnect with your ex whilst emotions are running high.

Benefits of using No Contact

So why might the no contact rule be especially helpful for men after a breakup? We've written an extensive guide on why silence is so powerful after a breakup, but here are some of the main reasons:

It can help you gain perspective

After a breakup, it can be easy to become emotionally overwhelmed and to lose perspective on the situation. The no contact rule can help you take a step back and gain a clearer view of what happened in the relationship and what you want moving forward.

It can help you avoid making mistakes

Breakups can be an emotional time, and it's easy to say or do things that you later regret. The no contact rule can help you avoid making mistakes that might make the situation worse or prolong the pain of the breakup.

If you’re constantly getting in touch with them during the period after a breakup it can be easy to come across as needy and desperate. This is especially bad if you’re hoping to get back with an ex, as needy and desperate are unattractive traits. You don’t want an ex to feel sorry for you.

It can help you rebuild your confidence

Breakups take a toll on your self-esteem, and it can be easy to feel down on yourself after a relationship ends. The no contact rule can give you time to focus on yourself and rebuild your confidence, rather than constantly checking in with your ex or trying to win them back.

During periods of no contact it’s highly recommended to work on yourself and build yourself back up. Engage in a range of activities and exercises to strengthen your mind and your body.

It gives you time to decide what you want

Ultimately, the goal of the no contact rule is to help you move on from the relationship and start the healing process, or decide if this is something you want to fight for. 

By cutting off communication with your ex, you can start to let go of the relationship and focus on building a new future for yourself. You may find that the breakup is a good idea for the both of you and you can move on. 

It's important to keep in mind that the no contact rule is not a one-size-fits-all solution, and it may not be the right approach for every situation. However, for the majority of men, the no contact rule can be a helpful tool in the process of accepting the breakup and rebuilding.

When to use the No Contact Rule

The main time to consider using the no contact rule is after a breakup. When a relationship ends, it can be tempting to try to stay in touch with your ex as it feels comforting. But this often just prolongs the pain and makes it more difficult to move on. 

The no contact rule provides a structured approach to dealing with the breakup and can help you avoid the temptation to reach out to your ex.

In general, most people recommend implementing the no contact rule for a minimum of 30 to 60 days. They argue that this gives you the adequate time to heal and start to move on from the relationship. Some even believe a period of 90 days is even better if you feel that you need more time, and you can extend the no contact period for longer.

However if you’re looking to get an ex back then these long periods of no contact could actually work against you. No contact is initially good to help you focus on yourself and stop being too emotional. But if you wait too long then there’s a good chance your ex will move on as well.

This is why it’s important to use no contact strategically, and combined with a few other factors it can help you reconnect with an ex. The Breakup Blueprint goes into all the details for this strategy and what you can do to win an ex back using no contact.

It's also important to keep in mind that the no contact rule is not always the best solution for every situation. For example, if you have children together or if you need to communicate with your ex for practical reasons, the no contact rule may not be feasible. 

In these cases, you need to set boundaries and communicate in a more limited or structured way, rather than cutting off communication entirely.

Overall, the no contact rule can be a useful tool for dealing with the aftermath of a breakup or resolving relationship conflict, but it's important to carefully consider whether it's the right approach for your situation and to be mindful of the potential drawbacks.

How to implement the No Contact Rule

Implementing the no contact rule can be a challenging but ultimately rewarding process. Here are a few tips for how to successfully implement the no contact rule:

Set clear boundaries

The first step in implementing the no contact rule is to set clear boundaries around what communication is and is not allowed. This might include things like no phone calls, texts, emails, or social media interactions. 

Be sure to clearly communicate these boundaries to your ex or former partner, and be prepared to enforce them if necessary. If they’ve broken up with you, but they keep getting in touch and making it hard to enforce no contact, then you can tell them you need time and space to process things.

Find support

It can be helpful to have a support system in place when implementing the no contact rule. This might include friends, family, or a therapist who can provide emotional support and help you stay on track with your no contact plan. Talking to people really does help.

Plan for temptation

It's natural to feel tempted to reach out to your ex or former partner during the no contact period, especially if you were in a long-term or intense relationship. 

It can be helpful to have strategies in place for dealing with temptation, such as reaching out to a friend or therapist for support, finding a new hobby or activity to distract yourself, or reminding yourself of the reasons why you are implementing the no contact rule. 

If you’re planning on going out and drinking it might be a good idea to block their number, or tell a friend to take your phone away. Just to avoid those tempting late-night texts.

Be patient

Implementing the no contact rule can be a challenging process, and it may take time to adjust to the change in communication. It's important to be patient with yourself and to give yourself time to heal and move on from the relationship.

The Drawbacks of the No Contact Rule

While the no contact rule can be a useful tool for coping with the aftermath of a breakup or resolving relationship conflict, it's important to be aware of the potential drawbacks. Here are a few potential downsides to consider when deciding whether the no contact rule is the right approach for you.

Misunderstanding or hurt feelings

One potential drawback of the no contact rule is that it can create misunderstanding or hurt feelings if your ex or former partner is not aware of your intentions. 

It's important to communicate your intentions clearly and to be prepared for the possibility of misunderstandings. 

Prolonging the pain

While the no contact rule can help you move on from a relationship, it can also prolong the pain of the breakup if you are not ready to let go. It's important to be mindful of your own emotional state and to seek additional support if needed.

Limited communication

The no contact rule involves cutting off all communication, which can make it difficult to resolve any outstanding issues or to communicate about important matters such as children or shared assets. It may be necessary to seek alternative ways of communicating if you need to address these issues.

Loss of support

If you have been relying on your ex or former partner for emotional support, cutting off communication can leave you feeling isolated or unsupported. It's important to have a support system in place and to seek additional support if needed.

No contact on a stubborn ex

There's also the question of whether the no contact rule would work on a stubborn ex. Check out our detailed guide for more details about that and how you can navigate the breakup when your ex is stubborn and refuses to let go.

Can no contact work a second time?

Another issue you may come across with the no contact rule is if you try to use it a second time around. No contact can work a second time but you need to approach things a bit differently, as you'll see in our guide.

Overall, it's important to carefully consider the potential drawbacks of the no contact rule and to be mindful of how it might impact your emotional well-being.

Should you use the No Contact Rule

To sum things up, the no contact rule can be a helpful tool for men after a breakup, allowing them to gain perspective, rebuild their confidence, and begin the process of moving on. 

While it's not a perfect solution and may not be right for every situation, the no contact rule can provide a structured approach to dealing with the emotional aftermath of a breakup and help men avoid making mistakes or coming across as emotional and needy.

If you're struggling to cope with a breakup and you want your ex back, it may be worth considering implementing the no contact rule as part of your healing process. Just remember to be patient with yourself, give yourself time to heal, and focus on taking care of yourself.

The Breakup Blueprint is our guide to implementing the no contact rule in the best ways possible. Featuring several other strategies it gives you the guidance you need to build yourself back up, become Version 2.0 and get the girl back.

If you liked this article, check out our other guides on the no contact rule.

No Contact or Low Contact: The Art of Moving On