Breakups can be tough, especially when your ex is stubborn and refuses to let go.
The pain and heartache can be overwhelming and it can feel impossible to move on. However, there is hope.
One powerful tool for getting over a breakup is "no contact" - cutting off all communication with your ex.
In this article, we’ll explore the concept of no contact, the reasons why your ex may be stubborn, and how to properly implement no contact to help you heal and move on from the relationship.
We’ll discuss tips for sticking to no contact, and what to do if you find yourself breaking the no contact rule.
Will no contact work on a stubborn ex? We’ve got the answers.
Definition of "no contact"
No contact is a strategy that’s often used after a breakup to help people move on from their ex. It involves cutting off all forms of communication, including phone calls, text messages, social media interactions, and in-person visits.
The goal of no contact is to give yourself time and space to heal emotionally, while also making your ex miss you and potentially leading to a renewed relationship.
Now, I know that the idea of not speaking to your ex at all can be daunting, especially if you're used to talking to them every day. But trust me when I say, no contact is one of the most powerful tools you have at your disposal when it comes to getting over a breakup.
By implementing no contact, you'll be able to focus on yourself, rather than constantly thinking about your ex. You'll also be giving your ex the space they need to miss you and potentially come back to you.
So, if you're a man who's looking to get over a breakup, we highly recommend giving no contact a try. It's not going to be easy, and there will be times when you'll want to reach out to your ex. But if you stick with it, you'll be surprised at how much better you'll feel. And what we find is that your ex often comes back to you once they see how much you've grown and changed.
Understanding Your Ex's Behavior
Reasons why your ex may be stubborn
There are a variety of reasons why your ex may be stubborn and resistant to the idea of getting back together. Some of these include:
They're not over the relationship: Your ex may be holding on to feelings of hurt, anger, or sadness from the breakup, which is causing them to be stubborn and unwilling to talk to you.
They've moved on: Your ex may have already moved on to someone else and may be hesitant to revisit the past.
They're enjoying being single: Being in a relationship can be a lot of work, and your ex may be enjoying the freedom and independence that comes with being single.
They're not ready for a commitment: Your ex may not be ready for a serious commitment right now, which is causing them to be stubborn about getting back together.
They're afraid of getting hurt again: If your ex has been hurt in the past, they may be hesitant to open themselves up to the possibility of getting hurt again, which is causing them to be stubborn.
They don't see a future with you: Your ex may not see a future with you, which is causing them to be stubborn about getting back together.
How to identify signs of stubbornness
Identifying signs of stubbornness in your ex can be tricky, as it may not always be obvious. However, there are a few key signs to look out for that can indicate that your ex is being stubborn about getting back together.
One of the most obvious signs is if they are consistently avoiding or ignoring your attempts at communication. If your ex is not responding to your texts or calls, or is making excuses to not talk to you, it's a sign that they may be stubborn about getting back together.
Another sign of stubbornness is if your ex is unwilling to have a conversation about the breakup or the possibility of getting back together. If they shut down or become defensive when you bring up the topic, it's a sign that they may be stubborn about the situation.
Another sign of stubbornness is if your ex is not showing any signs of missing you or wanting to spend time with you. If they don't seem to be thinking about you or wanting to be around you, it's a sign that they may be stubborn about the idea of getting back together.
It's also important to pay attention to their actions and not just their words. If your ex is consistently going out of their way to avoid you, or if they're making a point to not include you in their plans, it's a sign that they may be stubborn about getting back together.
Understanding your ex's behavior
Understanding your ex's behavior before implementing no contact is crucial because it can give you insight into their mindset and motivations, which can ultimately determine the success of the no contact strategy.
First and foremost, understanding your ex's behavior can help you identify why they may be being stubborn about getting back together. As we previously discussed, there are a variety of reasons why someone may be resistant to the idea of reconciliation, and by understanding your ex's behavior, you can better determine what may be causing their stubbornness.
Additionally, understanding your ex's behavior can help you gauge their level of attachment to the relationship. If your ex is still deeply invested in the relationship, they may be more likely to miss you and potentially come back to you during the no contact period. On the other hand, if your ex has already moved on, no contact may be less effective.
Furthermore, understanding your ex's behavior can help you establish realistic expectations for the no contact period. If your ex has already moved on, for example, it's unlikely that no contact will lead to a renewed relationship. However, it can still be an effective tool for helping you move on and heal emotionally.
Finally, understanding your ex's behavior can also help you determine how to approach the no contact period. If your ex is still invested in the relationship and may be open to reconciliation, it may be beneficial to implement a more flexible version of no contact, where you still have limited contact with your ex. Whereas, if your ex has moved on, a strict no contact rule may be more appropriate.
The No Contact Rule
How to properly implement no contact
Will no contact work on a stubborn ex? Most of the time, yes. But you need to use it properly for it to be effective. Here are a few key tips for properly implementing no contact:
Be clear and consistent: The first step in implementing no contact is to be clear and consistent about your boundaries. This means cutting off all forms of communication, including text messages, phone calls, social media, and in-person contact. It's important to be firm and consistent in enforcing these boundaries, as any contact, no matter how small, can prolong the healing process.
Make a plan: Before you begin the no contact period, make a plan for how you will spend your time and energy. This can include things like taking up a new hobby, focusing on self-care, or spending time with friends and family. Having a plan in place can help you stay focused and motivated during the no contact period.
Avoid temptations: It can be easy to fall back into old patterns of communication with your ex, especially if you're feeling lonely or vulnerable. To avoid this, make sure to remove any reminders of your ex from your life, such as old gifts or pictures. Additionally, it's important to avoid any places or activities that may trigger memories of your ex.
Seek support: Finally, it's important to seek support during the no contact period. This can include talking to a therapist, friends, or family members. They can provide you with a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and valuable perspective on the situation.
Be patient: The no contact period can be difficult, and it's important to be patient with yourself as you work through your feelings. Remember that healing takes time, and it's important to give yourself the space and time you need to process your emotions and move on.
How long to maintain no contact
The length of time to maintain no contact can vary depending on the individual and the specific circumstances of the relationship.
If you look online a lot fo people claim that 30 days is a good length of time for no contact to be successful. However, over the years we’ve found that the length of time depends entirely on your goals.
Are you looking to get an ex back? Then the 30 days might not be the best strategy. If you’re looking to win an ex girlfriend back we find a shorter length of time for no contact is optimum, and you have to combine it with some self-care strategies to really make it effective. We go into detail on these strategies and the length of time you should use no contact in The Breakup Blueprint.
If you’re not looking to get back with an ex, and you’re simply looking to get over the breakup and heal, then 30 days or even longer could be the best medicine. The extra time can help you gain a clearer perspective on the relationship and your own feelings. This can help you make more informed decisions about what you want in the future.
Tips for sticking to the no contact rule
Sticking to no contact can be challenging, especially if your ex is being stubborn. Here are a few tips for sticking to no contact and staying on track:
Remind yourself of the reasons for no contact: It's important to remember why you decided to implement no contact in the first place. Remind yourself of the reasons why no contact is important for your healing process, and the benefits it will bring in the long run.
Make a list of your goals: Write down your goals for the no contact period, such as healing, moving on, gaining closure, or improving your self-esteem. This will help you stay focused and motivated during the no contact period.
Find healthy ways to cope: Finding healthy ways to cope with your emotions can help you stay on track during the no contact period. This can include things like journaling, exercise, meditation, or talking to a therapist.
Avoid triggers: Be aware of things that may trigger thoughts or feelings about your ex, and avoid them as much as possible. This can include certain places, people, or activities.
Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support during the no contact period. They can provide you with a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and valuable perspective on the situation.
Keep yourself busy: One of the best ways to stick to no contact is to keep yourself busy with other things. Engage in activities that you enjoy, such as sports, hobbies, or volunteering. The more you focus on other things, the less you will think about your ex.
Be kind to yourself: Remember that healing takes time, and it's important to be patient with yourself as you work through your feelings. It's important to practice self-care and self-compassion during the no contact period, and to remind yourself that it's okay to feel sad or angry.
The Benefits of No Contact
We’re big believers in the no contact rule, and we’ve seen first hand how it can impact men in a positive way.
Check out our round-up on why no contact is so powerful and why you should think about using it today.
Common mistakes men make during no contact
Breaking the no contact rule
Breaking the no contact rule can happen for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, it's an intentional decision, such as reaching out to your ex for closure or to express your feelings. Other times, it may be an unintentional slip-up, such as responding to a text message or accidentally running into your ex.
Understand that breaking the no contact rule does not mean that your efforts have been for nothing. Instead, it's an opportunity to learn from the situation and to adjust your approach. If you do break the no contact rule, it's important to reflect on why it happened and what you can do to prevent it from happening again.
Also, if you have broken the no contact rule, try to return to it as soon as possible. This means that you should refrain from contacting your ex again and focus on your healing process. It's important to be honest with yourself and understand that breaking the no contact rule can be emotionally difficult, but it's important to stay committed to your goals.
If you're planning to re-establish contact after no contact, have a clear plan and boundaries in place. This means that you should have a clear idea of what you want to achieve by re-establishing contact, and what boundaries you need to set in order to protect your emotional well-being.
Being too passive or too aggressive
When trying to get over a breakup, it can be easy to fall into the trap of being either too passive or too aggressive. Being too passive means that you are not taking enough action to move on and heal from the breakup, while being too aggressive means that you are taking actions that are harmful to yourself or your ex.
Being too passive can involve things like staying in contact with your ex, not setting boundaries, or not taking steps to improve your own emotional well-being. This can prolong the healing process and make it harder to move on.
On the other hand, being too aggressive can involve things like stalking your ex, sending them angry messages, or trying to make them jealous. This type of behavior can be harmful to both you and your ex, and can prevent you from healing and moving on.
It's important to find a balance between being passive and aggressive. This means that you should take steps to improve your own emotional well-being, such as setting boundaries, engaging in self-care, and seeking support from friends and family. At the same time, it's important to respect your ex's boundaries and to avoid any actions that may be harmful to them.
Not having a plan for what to do after no contact
Not having a plan after no contact can be detrimental to your healing process and can make it harder to move on from the relationship. No contact is a powerful tool for healing and moving on, but it's important to remember that it's just one step in the process.
One of the biggest mistakes people make after no contact is not having a plan in place for what comes next. They may assume that no contact alone will be enough to heal and move on, but without a plan, they may find themselves struggling to move forward.
Having a plan after no contact can involve things like setting goals for yourself, working on personal growth, and focusing on self-care. This can help you to stay motivated and focused on your healing process, and can make it easier to move on from the relationship.
Will no contact work on a stubborn ex
As you can see, no contact can be a powerful tool for getting over a breakup. Will no contact work on a stubborn ex? Yes, if you use it wisely. No contact allows you to take a step back, heal, and focus on yourself, which is crucial for moving on from the relationship.
Remember that no contact is just one step in the process, and that having a plan in place for what comes next is crucial for your healing and moving on. It's also important to understand your ex's behavior, to properly implement no contact, and to stick to it for a sufficient amount of time.
If you liked that guide then check out our round-up on how do you know if a breakup is final.
Or check out our research on how long it takes to recover from a breakup.