No Contact or Low Contact: The Art of Moving On

If you’re going through a breakup you might be hearing a lot about no contact and low contact.

These are two methods you can use to calm yourself down after a relationship, focus on yourself, and push yourself to level up. 

But what’s the difference between both methods? How do they work and what are the benefits and drawbacks of each?

In this guide we’ll explore everything about these two methods for getting over a breakup and move forward in a healthy way. 

What is No Contact?

Definition of no contact

No contact is a strategy that involves completely cutting off all forms of communication with an ex-partner after a breakup. This includes all forms of direct communication, such as phone calls, text messages, emails, and in-person interactions, as well as indirect communication, such as social media stalking and seeking updates from mutual friends.

The idea behind no contact is that by removing all forms of contact with an ex-partner, an individual can distance themselves from the relationship, heal from the pain of the breakup, and move on.

No contact is often recommended as a way to take control of the healing process, as it allows you to focus on your own needs and goals without the influence of the ex-partner. Additionally, it can be beneficial for those who have experienced a toxic or emotionally draining relationship, as it provides a clean break and allows for the healing process to begin. 

How it works

No contact works by removing all forms of communication with an ex, which allows the individual to distance themselves from the relationship and focus on their own healing process. When someone goes through a breakup, it can be difficult to move on and let go of the relationship, especially if they are still in contact with their ex girlfriend. By implementing no contact, the individual is able to cut ties and focus on their own well-being.

When you first start no contact, it can be a difficult process. You may feel a strong urge to reach out to the ex, or experience feelings of loneliness and sadness. However, as time goes on, these feelings tend to subside, and you begin to focus on yourself and your own life. 

No contact also allows for a new perspective on the relationship and the breakup. Without contact with the ex, the individual can begin to see the relationship for what it was, and understand why it ended. This can be a valuable tool for healing and moving on, as it allows people to understand what went wrong and make any necessary changes to prevent similar situations in the future.

It's important to note that no contact should not be used as a form of punishment or to try to hurt the ex, but as a tool for personal growth and healing. You need to be using this time to put all the attention and focus on yourself, using it as a remarkable opportunity for self growth. 

Pros and cons of no contact

Pros of no contact:

Allows for emotional distance: By cutting off all forms of communication with an ex-partner, no contact allows the individual to distance themselves from the relationship and the pain of the breakup. This can help them to focus on their own healing process and move on.

Helps to gain perspective: Without contact with an ex-partner, the individual can begin to see the relationship for what it was, and understand why it ended. This can be a valuable tool for healing and moving on, as it allows the individual to understand what went wrong and make any necessary changes to prevent similar situations in the future.

Helps to break toxic patterns: For those who have experienced a toxic or emotionally draining relationship, no contact can be beneficial as it provides a clean break and allows for the healing process to begin.

Empowers the individual: By implementing no contact, the individual is taking control of their own healing process, which can be empowering and help them to feel more positive and optimistic about the future.

 

Cons of No Contact:

Can be difficult to stick to: No contact can be a difficult strategy to implement, especially if the individual is not emotionally prepared for it. They may feel a strong urge to reach out to their ex-partner, which can be challenging to resist.

Can be isolating: Without contact with their ex-partner, the individual may feel lonely and isolated. This can be especially difficult if they shared a close relationship with their ex-partner and had a lot of mutual friends.

Hard to implement twice: If this is the second time you’re going through a breakup with the same person, it can be difficult to implement no contact. Check out our guide on no contact working a second time around.

May not be appropriate for everyone: No contact may not be appropriate or feasible for everyone. For example, if the individual and their ex-partner have children together, they will need to maintain some form of communication.

May not be the best solution for healing: No contact can be a useful tool for healing, but it should not be the only solution. It's also important to focus on self-care and seek support from friends, family or professional help if necessary.

The ex may reach out: You might find that the ex girlfriend reaches out to you during no contact, leaving you in a difficult position. Check out our guide on what to do during no contact if she reaches out.

What is Low Contact?

Definition of low contact

Low contact is a strategy that involves limiting the amount of contact with an ex-partner after a breakup. Unlike no contact, which involves cutting off all forms of communication, low contact allows for some level of communication, but in a limited and controlled way. This can include things like occasional phone calls or text messages, or having limited interactions on social media. The goal of low contact is to maintain some level of contact with an ex, while also setting boundaries and protecting your emotional well-being.

Low contact can be a good option for those who find it difficult to completely cut off communication with an ex, or for those who have shared responsibilities like children or shared property. It can also be a good option for those who have experienced a breakup that was not particularly toxic, and who want to maintain a cordial relationship with their ex-partner.

Low contact can be beneficial as it allows you to maintain some level of connection to the ex, while also protecting emotional well-being. It allows you to have a little more control over the situation and avoid the feeling of being completely cut off. However, it's important to set clear boundaries and limit the contact to a minimum, as too much contact can hinder the healing process and prolong the emotional pain. 

How it works

Low contact works by limiting the amount of contact with an ex after a breakup. You set specific boundaries for the level and frequency of contact that is appropriate for your situation, and sticks to those boundaries. This can include things like occasional phone calls or text messages, or having limited interactions on social media.

When you first start low contact, it's important to set clear boundaries and communicate them to the ex. This can include things like only responding to messages during certain times of the day, or only responding to messages about specific topics. It's also important to be firm in sticking to these boundaries and not allowing the ex to cross them.

One important aspect of low contact is to communicate with the ex in a way that is respectful and cordial, but also clear and assertive. This means being clear about the boundaries that have been set and the reason why they are being put in place. It's also important to be prepared for the ex to potentially push back against the boundaries, and to remain firm in sticking to them.

Low contact can be a good option for those who find it difficult to completely cut off communication with an ex, or for those who have shared responsibilities like children or shared property. It allows for some level of communication, while also setting boundaries that help to protect one's emotional well-being. 

Pros and cons of low contact

Pros of Low Contact:

Allows for some level of communication: Low contact allows for some level of communication with an ex-partner, which can be beneficial for those who find it difficult to completely cut off communication or for those who have shared responsibilities like children or shared property.

Helps to maintain cordial relationship: Low contact can be a good option for those who have experienced a breakup that was not particularly toxic and who want to maintain a cordial relationship with their ex-partner.

Provides a balance: Low contact provides a balance between completely cutting off communication and maintaining too much contact. It allows for some level of connection, while also protecting one's emotional well-being.

Empowering: By setting clear boundaries and sticking to them, low contact can be empowering and help the individual to feel more in control of the situation.

Cons of Low Contact:

Difficult to stick to: Low contact can be difficult to implement, especially if the individual is not emotionally prepared for it. They may feel a strong urge to reach out to their ex-partner more frequently or to respond to messages that were not part of the initial agreement.

Can prolong the healing process: If the contact is not limited enough, low contact can prolong the healing process and prolong the emotional pain.

May not be appropriate for everyone: Low contact may not be appropriate or feasible for everyone. For example, if the individual has experienced a toxic relationship or if the ex-partner is not willing to respect the boundaries set.

Can be emotionally draining: Maintaining any level of contact with an ex-partner after a breakup can be emotionally draining and may require a lot of self-control and emotional maturity from the individual.

Implementing No Contact

Steps for successfully implementing no contact

Make the decision: The first step in implementing no contact is to make the decision to do so. This should be done after careful consideration of the reasons why no contact is necessary and the potential challenges that may be faced.

Prepare yourself emotionally: Before implementing no contact, it is important to prepare yourself emotionally. This may involve seeking support from friends and family, practicing self-care, and setting realistic expectations for the process.

Communicate the decision: If possible, communicate the decision to implement no contact to the ex-partner. This can be done in a respectful and assertive manner, and can help to avoid confusion or misunderstandings.

Remove all forms of contact: Once no contact has been established, it is important to remove all forms of contact with the ex-partner. This includes direct forms of communication such as phone calls, text messages, and in-person interactions, as well as indirect forms of communication such as social media stalking and seeking updates from mutual friends.

Stay strong: Implementing no contact can be difficult, especially in the beginning. It's important to stay strong and remind yourself of the reasons why no contact was necessary. It can be helpful to remind yourself of the benefits of no contact and the progress that has been made.

Focus on self-care: Implementing no contact can be an emotional process, which is why it's important to focus on self-care. This may involve things like exercise, hobbies, spending time with friends and family, and seeking professional help if needed.

Be open to the possibility of revisiting the decision: As time goes on, the individual may find that they are ready to revisit the decision to implement no contact. It's important to be open to this possibility and to reassess the situation when the time is right.

It's important to remember that no contact may not be appropriate or feasible for everyone, and that it can be a difficult strategy to stick to, especially if the individual is not emotionally prepared for it. It's also important to consider that no contact may not be the only solution for healing, and that it should be combined with other self-care practices and seeking support if needed.

Tips for sticking to no contact

Remind yourself of the reasons why no contact is necessary: When the urge to contact the ex-partner arises, remind yourself of the reasons why no contact was necessary in the first place. This can help to reinforce the decision and make it easier to stick to.

Find a support system: Having a support system in place can make sticking to no contact much easier. This can include friends and family members who understand the decision and can offer support and encouragement.

Stay busy: Keeping oneself busy with activities and hobbies can help to distract from the urge to contact the ex-partner. Engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment can also help to improve overall mood and well-being.

Use technology to your advantage: Utilizing technology can help to make sticking to no contact easier. For example, using apps that block certain contacts or setting a specific time of day to check messages can make it easier to stick to no contact.

Practice self-care: Practicing self-care is essential during the no contact period. It's important to focus on physical, emotional and mental well-being, and to engage in activities that bring comfort and relaxation.

Seek professional help if needed: If the individual feels overwhelmed by the decision to implement no contact, seeking professional help can be beneficial. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance, support and tools to help navigate the process.

Be kind to yourself: The process of no contact can be challenging, and it's important to be kind and compassionate towards oneself. It's ok to have moments of weakness and to slip up, what's important is to keep going and not to give up.

Potential challenges of no contact

Strong urge to contact the ex-partner: One of the most common challenges of no contact is the strong urge to contact the ex-partner. This can be difficult to resist, especially in the beginning. To overcome this challenge, it's important to remind oneself of the reasons why no contact was necessary, to have a support system in place, and to engage in activities that distract from the urge.

Loneliness and isolation: Without contact with the ex-partner, the individual may feel lonely and isolated. To overcome this challenge, it's important to focus on building a strong support system, spending time with friends and family, and engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment.

Fear of missing out: The individual may worry that they are missing out on important events or updates in the ex-partner's life. To overcome this challenge, it's important to remind oneself that no contact is necessary for healing, and that any updates can be obtained from mutual friends or social media.

Fear of rejection: The individual may fear that the ex-partner will reject them if they reach out. To overcome this challenge, it's important to remind oneself that no contact is necessary for healing and that rejection is not a personal failure.

Difficulty sticking to the decision: Implementing no contact can be difficult, especially if the individual is not emotionally prepared for it. To overcome this challenge, it's important to remind oneself of the benefits of no contact, to have a support system in place, and to engage in activities that bring joy and fulfillment.

Difficulty in maintaining the decision in the long term: Sticking to no contact in the long term can be difficult, especially if the individual is not emotionally prepared for it. To overcome this challenge, it's important to remind oneself of the benefits of no contact, to have a support system in place, and to engage in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. It's also important to be open to the possibility of revisiting the decision and reassessing the situation when the time is right.

Implementing Low Contact

Steps for successfully implementing low contact

Assess the situation: The first step in implementing low contact is to assess the situation and determine if low contact is the appropriate strategy. This should be done after careful consideration of the reasons why low contact is necessary, and the potential challenges that may be faced.

Set clear boundaries: Once the decision to implement low contact has been made, it's important to set clear boundaries for the level and frequency of contact that is appropriate. This should be communicated to the ex-partner in a respectful and assertive manner.

Communicate the decision: It's important to communicate the decision to implement low contact to the ex-partner. This can be done in a respectful and assertive manner, and can help to avoid confusion or misunderstandings.

Limit the contact: Once the boundaries have been set, it's important to limit the contact to the agreed upon level and frequency. This may include things like only responding to messages during certain times of the day or only responding to messages about specific topics.

Be firm in sticking to the boundaries: It's important to be firm in sticking to the boundaries that have been set, and to not allow the ex-partner to cross them.

Communicate in a respectful and cordial manner: When communicating with the ex-partner, it's important to do so in a respectful and cordial manner, while also being clear and assertive about the boundaries that have been set.

Seek professional help if needed: If the individual feels overwhelmed by the decision to implement low contact, seeking professional help can be beneficial. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance, support and tools to help navigate the process.

Re-evaluate the situation: It's important to periodically re-evaluate the situation and make adjustments to the level and frequency of contact as needed.

Tips for sticking to low contact

Remind yourself of the reasons why low contact is necessary: When the urge to contact the ex-partner arises, remind yourself of the reasons why low contact was necessary in the first place. This can help to reinforce the decision and make it easier to stick to.

Find a support system: Having a support system in place can make sticking to low contact much easier. This can include friends and family members who understand the decision and can offer support and encouragement.

Stay busy: Keeping oneself busy with activities and hobbies can help to distract from the urge to contact the ex-partner. Engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment can also help to improve overall mood and well-being.

Use technology to your advantage: Utilizing technology can help to make sticking to low contact easier. For example, using apps that block certain contacts or setting a specific time of day to check messages can make it easier to stick to low contact.

Practice self-care: Practicing self-care is essential during the low contact period. It's important to focus on physical, emotional and mental well-being, and to engage in activities that bring comfort and relaxation.

Seek professional help if needed: If the individual feels overwhelmed by the decision to implement low contact, seeking professional help can be beneficial. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance, support and tools to help navigate the process.

Be kind to yourself: The process of low contact can be challenging, and it's important to be kind and compassionate towards oneself. It's ok to have moments of weakness and to slip up, what's important is to keep going and not to give up.

Communicate with the ex-partner in a respectful and cordial manner: When communicating with the ex-partner, it's important to do so in a respectful and cordial manner, while also being clear and assertive about the boundaries that have been set.

It's important to remember that sticking to low contact can be difficult and may require a lot of self-control and emotional maturity. It's also important to consider that low contact may not be the best option for everyone, and that some individuals may need to implement no contact in order to fully heal and move on.

Potential challenges of low contact

Strong urge to contact the ex-partner: One of the most common challenges of low contact is the strong urge to contact the ex-partner more frequently or outside of the agreed upon boundaries. To overcome this challenge, it's important to remind oneself of the reasons why low contact was necessary, to have a support system in place, and to engage in activities that distract from the urge.

Difficulty in setting and maintaining boundaries: Setting and maintaining boundaries can be difficult, especially if the ex-partner does not respect them or tries to push them. To overcome this challenge, it's important to communicate the boundaries clearly and assertively and to be firm in sticking to them.

Fear of missing out: The individual may worry that they are missing out on important events or updates in the ex-partner's life. To overcome this challenge, it's important to remind oneself that low contact is necessary for healing, and that any updates can be obtained from mutual friends or social media.

Fear of rejection: The individual may fear that the ex-partner will reject them if they reach out within the agreed boundaries. To overcome this challenge, it's important to remind oneself that low contact is necessary for healing and that rejection is not a personal failure.

Difficulty sticking to the decision: Implementing low contact can be difficult, especially if the individual is not emotionally prepared for it. To overcome this challenge, it's important to remind oneself of the benefits of low contact, to have a support system in place, and to engage in activities that bring joy and fulfilment.

Difficulty in maintaining the decision in the long term: Sticking to low contact in the long term can be difficult, especially if the individual is not emotionally prepared for it. To overcome this challenge, it's important to remind oneself of the benefits of low contact, to have a support system in place, and to engage in activities that bring joy and fulfilment. It's also important to be open to the possibility of revisiting the decision and reassessing the situation when the time is right.

It's important to remember that low contact may not be appropriate or feasible for everyone, and that sticking to low contact can be difficult and may require a lot of self-control

No Contact or Low Contact

Both no contact and low contact can be effective strategies for men after a breakup. The right method depends on your situation.

At The Breakup Blueprint we recommend going down the route of no contact. This is for a number of reasons, you can take a complete break from communication, which allows your emotions to settle down. During this time you’re not being needy or coming across as desperate, you’re leveling up in life and becoming the best version of yourself.

When you’re in low contact the ex still knows you’re around, maybe even what you’re up to right now. And it’s harder to cut off that connection and get your emotions right if you’re still sending messages, no matter how infrequent they are. 

You need to be using this time to step away and go on a journey of self improvement. Check out our step-by-step guide to implementing no contact in the best way possible, with the right number of days and exactly what you can be doing to level up during this time.

Low contact does work better in a few special situations, such as if you have kids together or if you still need to live together temporarily following the breakup. But try to create space and implement no contact wherever possible. 

If you found this guide useful check out our round-up on how to use reverse psychology to get your ex back.