If you’re going through a breakup, you’re probably on a rollercoaster of emotions.
It’s a difficult and painful experience, especially for men. But understand that this pain is only temporary, and there are steps you can take to move forward and improve your future relationships.
A common misconception is the idea that the person who initiated the breakup is not feeling pain.
That’s simply not true.
In this article, we’ll provide practical advice for men who have taken the decision to break up with their girlfriend and give themselves the best chance of healing.
Taking time to grieve
Processing the emotions
Bottling up your emotions never helps.
You need to recognise and process the feelings that come with a break-up because bottling them up or denying them can lead to negative consequences in the long-term. When we don't take the time to process our emotions, they manifest in unhealthy ways such as depression, anxiety, or self-destructive behavior.
Grief is a natural response to a loss, so acknowledge and accept that it is a normal part of the healing process. Ignoring or suppressing your emotions can prolong the healing process and make it more difficult to move on.
Allowing yourself to fully feel and express your emotions can be difficult and painful, but it is necessary for healing. Crying, talking to friends or family, writing in a journal, or seeking therapy can be helpful ways to process your emotions.
Additionally, it's also important to remember that healing is not a linear process and you’re going to have good days and bad days. It's important to be patient with yourself and to take the time you need to heal.
If you start feeling emotional about the situation, recognise your feelings and process them. Do this for ten seconds, and then move on with your day. Don’t fall into the trap of letting these thoughts linger for hours. Release them, move on and repeat as necessary.
Ways to cope with a breakup
There are a variety of healthy ways to cope with the emotions and feelings that come with a break-up. Our guide to breakups contains practical tips and guidance for coping with the end of a relationship. Here are some of the examples we use for coping:
Talking to someone: Talking to a friend, family member, or therapist can provide a safe space to express your emotions and help you process them. A problem shared really is a problem halved, and you’ll literally feel like a weight is lifted off your shoulders as you express your feelings.
Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a cathartic and therapeutic way to process your emotions. Getting the thoughts on paper helps take them out of your head and think clearly. Later down the line it can also help you track your progress and see how far you’ve come.
Practicing mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help you stay present in the moment and reduce stress and anxiety.
Engaging in physical activity: Exercise can release endorphins and help reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. It can also provide a sense of accomplishment and boost self-esteem.
Taking care of yourself: Eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and engaging in self-care activities such as taking a relaxing bath or reading a book can help you feel better physically and emotionally.
Finding healthy distractions: Engaging in activities you enjoy, such as music, art, dancing, can help take your mind off the break-up and provide a sense of joy and accomplishment.
It's important to find what works for you and to not be afraid to try different ways of coping. It's also important to remember that it's okay to not be okay and to give yourself time and space to heal.
Self care and levelling up
Taking care of yourself after a break-up is crucial for healing and moving forward. At The Breakup Blueprint we’re big believers in self improvement and turning into the best version of yourself after a breakup.
Here are some specific actions you can take to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally:
Eating a healthy diet: Eating a balanced diet that includes fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins can help boost your mood and energy levels.
Getting enough sleep: Adequate sleep is important for physical and mental well-being. Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep each night, depending on your personal needs. We find that 8 hours a night helps give us the best start to the day.
Exercise: Engaging in regular physical activity can help reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. It can also boost self-esteem and help you feel better physically. Hit the gym and lift some weights. Thank us in 6 months.
Emotional self-care: Don't suppress or ignore your feelings, allow yourself to process them.
Seek out positive social support: Spend time with friends and family who are supportive and positive.
Practice gratitude: Keep a gratitude journal and write down things you're thankful for, it can help shift your focus away from negative thoughts.
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help you stay present in the moment and reduce stress and anxiety.
Engage in activities you enjoy: Do things that make you happy, it can provide a sense of joy and accomplishment.
Benefits of focusing on personal goals
Using the time after a break-up to focus on personal goals can have several benefits for your emotional and personal growth. You’ll never be more motivated than after a breakup. Now is the time to use all that energy and put it to good use.
Here are some benefits to putting all your focus onto yourself at this time:
Improved self-awareness: Focusing on personal goals can help you gain a better understanding of yourself and what you want out of life. This increased self-awareness can lead to more meaningful and fulfilling relationships in the future.
Increased self-esteem: Setting and achieving personal goals can boost self-esteem and self-confidence. It can provide a sense of accomplishment and pride in oneself.
Distraction and positive focus: Focusing on personal goals can provide a positive distraction from the pain of the break-up and help shift your focus away from negative thoughts and emotions.
Personal growth and development: Working towards personal goals can help you grow as a person, both emotionally and mentally. It can provide a sense of purpose and direction.
Increased resilience: By setting and achieving personal goals, you are building resilience and the ability to bounce back from difficult situations.
Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms
On the flipside there are several unhealthy coping mechanisms that men may turn to after a break-up. Here are a few examples:
Excessive drinking or drugs: Using alcohol or drugs as a way to numb the pain of a break-up can lead to addiction and other negative consequences.
Jumping into a new relationship too quickly: This can be an unhealthy way to cope with the pain of a break-up because it doesn't allow time for proper healing and it can lead to more heartache in the future.
Isolation: Withdrawing from friends and family and isolating oneself can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression.
Self-destructive behavior: Engaging in self-harm or other self-destructive behaviors can be a sign of deeper emotional issues and it can cause more harm than good.
Being in a constant state of denial: Denying that the break-up has affected you can prolong the healing process and make it more difficult to move on.
Using social media excessively: Excessive use of social media can cause feelings of envy, and depression, and also it can make the healing process harder. Social media use in general is just bad for the brain, put down the phone.
Negative consequences of these actions
The negative consequences of using unhealthy coping mechanisms can be significant, impacting your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
Any of these actions are likely to lead to poor health and depression later on. They’re bad for your mental health at this traumatic time, and they’ll only prolong the healing process.
It will also make future relationships harder to support. If you don’t use this time to improve and reflect on the previous relationship, you’ll find yourself going through cycles of heartbreak and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
They may provide temporary relief but ultimately they can cause more harm than good. It's important to seek help if you find yourself struggling with unhealthy coping mechanisms, a therapist or counselor can help you work through your emotions and provide tools for coping in a healthy way.
Learn from the experience
Going through a break-up is difficult and painful, but it can also provide valuable lessons and opportunities for personal growth. Here are a few examples of valuable lessons that can come from the experience:
Improved self-awareness: Going through a break-up can provide insight into your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It can help you gain a better understanding of yourself and what you want out of life.
Learning about healthy and unhealthy relationships: Going through a break-up can be an opportunity to learn about what works and doesn't work in a relationship. It can help you identify patterns and dynamics that may have contributed to the break-up, and it can help you make better choices in future relationships.
Increased resilience: Going through a difficult experience can help you build resilience and the ability to bounce back from difficult situations. It can also help you develop a greater sense of self-reliance.
Personal growth and development: Going through a break-up can be an opportunity for personal growth and development. It can help you gain new perspectives and it can help you become a stronger and more self-aware person.
Understanding the importance of self-care: Going through a break-up can be a reminder of the importance of taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. It can help you develop healthy habits that can improve your overall well-being.
It's important to remember that healing and personal growth are ongoing processes, and it's not a one-time event. It's important to take the time you need to process your emotions and to learn from the experience. It's also important to remember that everyone's experience is different and everyone will learn different things from the experience.
I broke up with my girlfriend and I miss her
If you’re in the process of breaking up with a girlfriend and you find that you miss her, you need to take a step back and consider why.
It could be that this is a normal reaction that will pass over time. You made the right decision and even though it hurts, you two just didn’t gel in a relationship.
Or it could be that you’ve thought about it for a few weeks and you think you want to get her back.
If that’s the case then take a look at our guide to winning back your ex, which is full of practical advice and tips for this very subject. But make sure this is actually what you want to do, and it’s not in the heat of the moment.
You can’t attempt to win back your ex on a whim, as you may end up hurting both of you even more if you haven’t thought this through.
I broke up with my girlfriend
In summary, breaking up with a significant other is one of the hardest things you’ll go through, but it can also provide valuable lessons and opportunities for personal growth. It's important to allow yourself to process your emotions and to focus on self-care and self-improvement. It's also important to avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms such as excessive drinking or jumping into a new relationship too quickly.
Taking the time to reflect on what went wrong in the past relationship, learning about healthy relationship dynamics, prioritizing self-care and self-love, communicating openly and honestly, being open to compromise and change, and being selective in choosing future partners, can help improve future relationships.
Be patient with yourself and don’t compare your healing process with others.
If you enjoyed this article check out our guide of things not to do after a breakup.
Or find out the science behind why breakups hurt so much.