Recovering from a breakup is a difficult and emotional process. Letting go of someone you care about and love is one of the hardest things you’ll have to do.
The process of healing is different for everyone, and it can take a varying amount of time before you feel like you’ve made a full recovery. It’s impossible to put an exact timeline on things, but we’re here to shed some light on the subject and help men as they navigate this difficult journey.
We’ll discuss the main factors behind recovery times, including the reasons behind the breakup, how long you were together and whether you used the no contact rule.
With this guidance, we hope to empower men to take control of the healing journey. You’re not alone in this process.
So, let’s get into it.
Table of Contents
- Reasons behind the breakup
- Common causes of breakups
- Understanding the reasons behind the breakup
- Moving on from the past and focusing on healing
- Length of time you were together
- Using the no contact rule
- Stages of a breakup
- The 5 stages of a breakup
- Understanding the importance of going through each stage
- Tips for self-care
- Not rushing into a new relationship
- How long does it take to recover from a breakup
Reasons behind the breakup
One of the big factors that determines how long it takes to recover from a breakup is the reason things ended. Did you go out on good terms, or was there a big argument that led to the breakdown?
Common causes of breakups
Lack of communication: When couples are not able to effectively communicate with each other, it can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and ultimately a breakdown in the relationship.
Infidelity: Cheating can be a major cause of breakups, as it breaks the trust and foundation of a relationship. Infidelity and the feeling of betrayal can make it much harder to recover from a breakup.
Growing apart: As people change and grow, it's possible for couples to drift apart and no longer have the same interests or goals.
Compatibility issues: Sometimes couples may find that they are not compatible in the long-term, despite initially being attracted to each other.
Financial issues: Money can be a major source of stress and tension in a relationship, and can ultimately lead to a breakup if not addressed and resolved.
Lack of commitment: When one or both partners are not fully committed to the relationship, it can lead to a lack of effort and ultimately a breakup.
Understanding the reasons behind the breakup
Understanding the reasons behind a breakup can be an important step in the healing process. It allows you to gain insight into what went wrong in the relationship and can help you to make sense of the emotions you are feeling. This understanding can also help you to avoid making the same mistakes in future relationships.
When you understand the reasons behind the breakup, it can also help you to let go of any lingering resentment or blame towards your ex-partner. Instead, you can focus on your own emotional healing and personal growth.
Sometimes it’s difficult to understand the reasons behind a breakup, especially if it's a sudden or unexpected one. You may find that you need to take some time to reflect and process your thoughts and feelings. It can be helpful to talk to a therapist or a trusted friend or family member who can provide support and a different perspective.
Additionally, understanding the reasons behind the breakup allows you to learn from the experience. It can help you to identify patterns in your relationships and work on personal growth. Understanding the reasons behind the breakup also allows you to gain closure and be able to move on.
Sometimes understanding the reasons behind the breakup is not an overnight process, it takes time and self-reflection. And it's not about finding blame or placing responsibility on anyone, it's about understanding and learning from the experience and moving on in a healthy way.
Moving on from the past and focusing on healing
Moving on from the past and focusing on healing is challenging, but it's an important step in the process of recovering from a breakup. It's natural to have feelings of sadness, anger, and longing after a breakup, but it's important to acknowledge these feelings and then begin to move forward.
One way to move on from the past is to make a conscious effort to focus on the present moment. This can include engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, such as hobbies, exercise, or spending time with friends and family. By focusing on the present, you can begin to shift your focus away from the past and towards building a happier future for yourself.
Another way to move on from the past is to make an effort to let go of any lingering resentment or anger towards your ex-partner. Holding onto these negative feelings can prevent you from moving forward and can prolong your healing process. Instead, try to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship and the things you learned from it, and try to wish your ex-partner well.
Focusing on healing can also involve taking care of yourself both physically and mentally. This includes taking care of your physical health through exercise and healthy eating, as well as taking time to practice self-care activities that bring you peace and relaxation. It's also important to focus on your mental health and well-being. This can include talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you to process your emotions and provide support and guidance.
Lastly, it's important to remember that healing is not a linear process and it takes time. You’ll have good and bad days. With time, patience, and self-care, you will be able to move on from the past and focus on healing.
Length of time you were together
The length of time that you were together also plays a big role in how long it takes to get over a breakup. Generally, the longer the relationship, the more intense and prolonged the healing process may be.
This is because longer relationships tend to involve a deeper level of emotional investment and attachment, and the breakup can be more difficult to process and move on from. Additionally, a longer relationship usually means more shared experiences and memories, which can make it harder to let go of the past.
If you have been in a long-term relationship, it's important to allow yourself extra time to grieve the loss and to process your emotions. This can include acknowledging the pain and sadness, and allowing yourself time to process the memories and experiences you shared with your partner. It's also important to focus on self-care, and to engage in activities that promote healing and personal growth.
As a general rule, we find the average recovery time from a breakup is two months for every year that you were together.
So if you were together for three years, it would take around six months before you were your old self again, without thinking about the relationship or what went wrong.
Again, this is a very general guide. If you were cheated on and the relationship ended badly, you might find that it takes longer to recover.
Using the no contact rule
On top of the two factors above, whether you’ve implemented the no contact rule also plays a big part in recovery time.
Explanation of the no contact rule
We’ve gone into detail about the no contact rule in our guide, but we’ll give you a shorter rundown here.
The no contact rule is a strategy that involves cutting off all contact with your ex-partner following a breakup. This includes no phone calls, text messages, emails, social media interactions, or any other form of communication. The idea behind the no contact rule is to give yourself time and space to heal and to focus on yourself without the distractions and emotions of the past relationship.
The no contact rule has several advantages. First, it can help to reduce the temptation to reach out to your ex-partner and can prevent you from saying or doing something that you may later regret. Second, it can help to reduce the emotional intensity of the breakup and can give you time and space to process your emotions and focus on your own healing. Third, it can help to reduce feelings of insecurity and dependence, and give you the time to focus on yourself and your own needs.
Implementing the no contact rule can be challenging, especially if you are still feeling strong emotions towards your ex-partner. It's important to set boundaries and to be firm in your decision to not contact your ex-partner. It's also important to be mindful that it's not a permanent solution, it's a temporary measure to help you to heal and to focus on yourself.
It's also important to remember that the no contact rule is not suitable for everyone and it's not a one-size-fits-all solution. It's important to listen to your own feelings and to do what's best for yourself. If you feel that the no contact rule is not working for you, it's important to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor who can provide support and guidance.
Tips for successfully implementing the no contact rule
Here are some tips for implementing the no contact rule:
Make a plan: Before cutting off contact with your ex, make a plan for how you will handle any potential contact. This can include blocking their number, unfollowing them on social media, or deleting their contact information from your phone.
Stick to your plan: Once you have made a plan, it's important to stick to it. This means avoiding contact with your ex-partner at all costs, including not responding to messages or calls.
Find healthy distractions: To keep yourself from reaching out to your ex-partner, it's important to find healthy distractions. This can include engaging in hobbies, spending time with friends and family, or taking up a new hobby or activity.
Seek support: Implementing the no contact rule can be challenging, and it's important to seek support from friends, family or a therapist. They can provide a listening ear and can help you to stay focused on your goal of healing and moving on.
Be kind to yourself: Remember that healing takes time, and it's important to be kind and patient with yourself. It's okay to have good and bad days, and it's okay to slip up and make contact with your ex-partner. What's important is that you get back on track and keep moving forward.
Reflect on the reasons behind the breakup: Use this time away from your ex-partner to reflect on the reasons behind the breakup, and to work on personal growth.
Stages of a breakup
The reasons for the breakup, the length of time you were together and whether you implemented the no contact rule effectively all make a difference on the recovery time.
All of them play a part in how long it takes you to get through the five stages of a breakup. We’ve detailed the five stages of a breakup in more detail, but here’s a general overview.
The 5 stages of a breakup
The stages of a breakup can vary from person to person, but many people experience similar emotions and stages as they go through the process of healing. Understanding these stages can help you to navigate the emotions you are feeling and to know that you are not alone in your experience.
The stages of a breakup include:
Denial and shock: This is the initial stage of a breakup where you may be in disbelief that the relationship is over. You may be in shock and may feel numb or disconnected from your emotions.
Anger and bargaining: As the reality of the breakup sinks in, you may begin to feel angry and may want to blame or lash out at your ex-partner. You may also find yourself bargaining, trying to negotiate or reason with your ex-partner to try to get them to change their mind.
Depression and loneliness: As the initial shock and anger begin to fade, you may start to feel a sense of sadness and depression. You may feel lonely and miss the companionship of your ex-partner.
Acceptance and moving forward: This is the stage where you begin to accept the reality of the breakup and start to focus on moving forward. You may begin to focus on your own healing and personal growth.
It's important to note that these stages are not linear, and it's normal to experience different emotions at different times, sometimes all at once. Some people may also experience a different number of stages, or may not experience all of them. Additionally, it's not a one-time process, it may take some time to go through these stages, you may even revisit some stages.
Understanding the importance of going through each stage
Going through each stage of a breakup is important for several reasons.
First, it allows you to fully process and understand the emotions that come with the end of a relationship. By acknowledging and going through each stage, you can begin to let go of the past and move forward in a healthy way. Without going through each stage, you may find yourself stuck in a cycle of denial, anger, or depression and unable to move forward.
Second, going through each stage allows you to gain closure. Closure is the process of accepting the end of a relationship and being able to move on. Going through each stage of a breakup can help you to reach closure and to fully let go of the past.
Third, going through each stage allows you to learn and grow. Each stage can teach you something about yourself and your relationships. You can learn about what you want and need in a relationship, and how to communicate and deal with conflicts more effectively.
Lastly, going through each stage can help you to build resilience. Breakups can be hard, but going through each stage and coming out the other side can make you stronger and more capable of handling difficult situations in the future.
Going through each stage is not a one-time event, it's a process that may take time, and it's okay if you don't move through them in a linear way.
Importance of self-care
The importance of self-care during a breakup
Self-care is incredibly important following a breakup. It can help you to heal emotionally, physically and mentally.
It can help you to cope with the emotions that come with a breakup. It can provide a healthy outlet for your feelings and can help to reduce stress and anxiety. Engaging in self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or journaling can also help to boost your mood and improve your overall well-being.
Self-care can also help you to take care of your physical health. Following a breakup, it can be easy to neglect your physical health and well-being. Engaging in self-care activities such as exercise, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep can help to improve your physical health and boost your energy levels.
Third, self-care can help you to rebuild your self-esteem and confidence. Breakups can be hard on your self-esteem, and self-care activities can help you to focus on your own needs and well-being, which can improve your confidence and self-esteem.
Lastly, self-care can help you to gain perspective and to focus on your own growth and healing. It can help you to take a step back and reflect on the past relationship, to understand what you want and need in a relationship, and to work on personal growth.
Self care should be a continuous process that requires regular attention and effort. It's also important to remember that self-care means different things to different people and it's important to find what works for you. Self-care can be small things like reading a book, taking a bath or going for a walk, but it's important to do it regularly and make it a habit.
Tips for self-care
Here are some tips for self-care following a breakup:
Exercise: Physical activity can help to boost your mood, reduce stress and anxiety, and improve your physical health. Whether it's going for a run, taking a yoga class, or going for a walk, find an activity that you enjoy and make it a regular part of your self-care routine.
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness activities such as meditation, journaling, and yoga can help to reduce stress, improve mood, and promote emotional healing.
Connect with others: Social support is important following a breakup. Surround yourself with friends and family who can provide support and a listening ear. You can also join a support group or talk to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support.
Take care of your physical health: Eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and taking care of your physical health can help to boost your energy levels, improve your mood, and promote emotional healing.
Engage in hobbies and activities that you enjoy: Doing things that you enjoy can help to reduce stress, improve your mood, and provide a healthy outlet for your emotions.
Give yourself time and space: Following a breakup, it's important to take time for yourself and to give yourself space to process your emotions. Take a break from social media and other sources of stress and allow yourself time to heal.
Be kind to yourself: Be gentle and patient with yourself during this time. Remember that healing takes time and it's okay to have good and bad days.
It's important to remember that self-care should be tailored to your individual needs, and it's not one-size-fits-all. Experiment with different self-care activities, and find what works for you. Additionally, it's important to make self-care a regular part of your routine, and make it a habit.
Not rushing into a new relationship
Rushing into a new relationship following a breakup can be a common impulse, but it's important to take the time to heal and focus on yourself before jumping into a new relationship.
First, jumping into a new relationship can prevent you from fully processing and healing from the emotions of the past relationship. It can be easy to use a new relationship as a distraction from the pain of the breakup, but this can prevent you from fully healing and moving on.
Rushing into a new relationship can lead to repeating past mistakes. It's important to take the time to reflect on the reasons behind the past breakup and to understand what you want and need in a relationship before jumping into a new one.
Jumping into a new relationship can also lead to neglecting self-care and personal growth. It's important to focus on yourself, your needs, and your personal growth before getting into a new relationship.
Lastly, rushing into a new relationship can also lead to being emotionally unavailable to your new partner. It's important to be fully present and emotionally available in a new relationship, and that can only be achieved after healing and working on oneself.
How long does it take to recover from a breakup
Recovering from a breakup will take time and it's different for everyone.
The length of time depends on the reasons for the breakup, how long you were together and if you were using the no contact rule.
Whether you’ve been using the breakup as an opportunity for growth and self improvement is another factor which influences recovery time. People sitting at home with nothing to do will take long to get over their ex. Whereas people who are building themselves up, or improving their lives in different aspects will find the process easier and quicker.
As a general rule we usually say it takes two months for every year that you were together to recover from a breakup. This is assuming you are taking care of yourself and going through a journey of self improvement.
However you can add an extra one to two months to that total if the reason for the breakup was something like infidelity or abuse (verbal or physical). You might find it takes you longer to get over the breakup to start trusting people again, and that’s okay. We all take things at our own pace. You’re going to have good days and bad days.
With time, patience and self-care, you will be able to recover from a breakup and move on in a healthy way.
If you like our guide check out the science behind why breakups hurt.
Or read about the steps to take to get over a breakup effectively.