What Not To Do On A First Date: Don't Blow Your Chance

Are you getting ready for a first date and feeling a bit nervous? Or maybe you've been on a few first dates but they haven't gone as well as you'd like? 

First dates can be tricky, but with a little bit of preparation and some helpful tips, you can increase your chances of having a successful one. 

In this article, we'll be sharing some tips on what not to do on a first date, specifically aimed at men looking for advice. 

From showing up late to talking about past relationships, we'll cover a range of common mistakes that men make on first dates and provide you with suggestions for how to avoid them. 

By following these tips about what not to do on a first date, you can make a great impression and increase your chances of having a fun time. So, let's dive in.

Don’t be late

Make a good first impression

When it comes to a first date, being on time is crucial. 

Arriving late sends a message that you don't respect the other person's time and that you're not truly interested in the date. It can also create a sense of anxiety and stress for the person you're meeting, definitely not the ideal way to start a date.

Being punctual shows that you're reliable and dependable. It shows that you value the other person's time and that you're making an effort to be there. These are all good qualities that are attractive in a man. It sets a positive tone for the rest of the date, and it makes it more likely that the other person will be open to getting to know you better.

In order to ensure punctuality, it's a good idea to plan ahead. You should allow enough time for traffic, parking, and other potential delays. If you know you're prone to running late, set reminders for yourself to help you stay on schedule.

Look, guys, we know she’s probably going to arrive late, it’s the way it goes. But you have to be there ten minutes early, just in case.

It's also a good idea to confirm the meeting time and location before the date to make sure you're on the same page with the other person. If you're running late, make sure to let the other person know and apologize for the delay.

Tips for ensuring punctuality

Being punctual is not only a sign of respect, but it also sets a positive tone for the rest of the date and makes it more likely that the other person will be open to getting to know you better. Here are some tips that can help you be punctual on your first date:

Plan ahead: Allow enough time for traffic, parking, and other potential delays. Check the route beforehand and make sure you know how to get to the meeting place.

Set reminders: If you're prone to running late, set reminders for yourself on your phone or calendar. This can help you stay on schedule and make sure you don't forget about the date.

Confirm the details: Before the date, make sure to confirm the meeting time and location with the other person. This can help ensure that you're both on the same page.

Give yourself a buffer: It's always better to arrive a few minutes early than to arrive late. Giving yourself a buffer can help you stay on schedule and avoid any last-minute delays.

Communicate: If you're running late, make sure to let the other person know and apologize for the delay. This shows that you care about the other person's time and that you're making an effort to be punctual.

Don't Talk About Your Ex

Why discussing past relationships is a turn-off

Talking about past relationships on a first date can be a major turn-off for many people. Here are a few reasons why discussing past relationships is not a good idea on a first date:

It can be seen as a red flag: Talking about past relationships on a first date can make the other person think that you're not over your ex, or that you're still holding on to old feelings. This can be a major turn-off and make it less likely that the other person will want to see you again.

It can make the other person feel uncomfortable: Bringing up past relationships can make the other person feel like they're being compared to your ex, and that can be uncomfortable. It can also make them feel like they're not special or unique, which is not the feeling you want to create on a first date.

It can make the date feel heavy and negative: Talking about past relationships can make the date feel heavy and negative. This is not the ideal atmosphere for a first date, as it can make it difficult to build a connection with the other person.

It can take away from getting to know each other: Instead of focusing on getting to know each other, the conversation becomes centered on past relationships, which can take away from the purpose of the date.

Steering the conversation in a different direction

If the topic of past relationships comes up on a first date, you can steer the conversation in a different direction.

Change the subject: One way to steer the conversation away from past relationships is to simply change the subject. You can bring up a different topic that you're interested in, such as a hobby or a recent news event. This can help shift the focus away from past relationships and onto something more positive.

Ask open-ended questions: Another way to steer the conversation in a different direction is to ask open-ended questions. This can help shift the focus onto the other person and encourage them to talk about themselves. By asking questions about their interests, goals, and aspirations, you can learn more about them and create a more positive and engaging conversation.

Use humor: Using humor can help lighten the mood and steer the conversation in a different direction. A well-timed joke or funny observation can help shift the focus away from past relationships and onto something more lighthearted and enjoyable.

Be honest: If the topic of past relationships comes up, you can be honest and let the other person know that you prefer not to talk about it. It's important to be respectful of the other person's feelings and boundaries and let them know that you're not comfortable discussing the topic.

Don't be too pushy

Stop making the other person uncomfortable

Being too eager or too pushy on a first date can make the other person uncomfortable and can negatively impact the date.

Being overly eager can come across as desperate or insincere, and it can make the other person feel like they're being pressured into something they're not ready for. Being too pushy can make the other person feel like they're not in control of the situation, and it can make them feel uncomfortable.

One way that being too eager can manifest is by constantly texting or calling before the date. This can make the other person feel like they're being smothered and it can take away the excitement of the date.

On the other hand, being too pushy can manifest in the form of trying to move too quickly in the relationship or being overly touchy on the date. This can make the other person feel like they're not in control of the situation and it can make them feel uncomfortable.

It's important to remember that everyone moves at their own pace and it's important to respect the other person's boundaries. Let the other person take the lead and follow their cues. By doing this, you'll create a more relaxed and comfortable atmosphere on the date, which will make it more likely that the other person will want to see you again.

How to be respectful of boundaries 

Being respectful on a first date is crucial to making a good impression and building a connection with the other person. Here are a few examples of how to be respectful on a first date:

Listen actively: Show that you're interested in what the other person has to say by giving them your full attention and actively listening to what they have to say. Avoid interrupting or talking over them, and make an effort to understand their perspective.

Be considerate of their feelings: Be aware of the other person's feelings and try to be sensitive to them. This means being mindful of your words and actions, and making an effort to be kind and understanding.

Show interest in them: Show the other person that you're interested in getting to know them by asking questions and engaging in conversation. This can help create a more positive and comfortable atmosphere on the date.

Be honest: Be honest with the other person about your intentions, but also be honest with yourself. If you're not interested in a second date, it's best to be upfront and avoid leading them on.

Respect their boundaries: Everyone has different boundaries, and it's important to respect the other person's boundaries. This means being mindful of their personal space and not getting too close or too touchy without their consent.

Show gratitude: Show gratitude for their time and company by thanking them for meeting with you or for the things they shared with you. This can make the other person feel valued and respected.

Don't Get Too Drunk

How alcohol impairs judgment 

When it comes to a first date, it's important to be aware of how alcohol can impair your judgment and decision-making abilities. Consuming alcohol can impair cognitive functions such as memory, attention, reasoning, and problem-solving. This means that you might not be able to remember key details of the date, might have trouble paying attention to the other person, or might struggle to make logical decisions. 

These effects can be particularly pronounced if you consume a significant amount of alcohol.

Drink too much and you’ll find it even affects motor skills, making you more prone to accidents and poor coordination. This means that you might have trouble walking, standing, or performing other physical tasks. It doesn’t make the best impression when you go to the bathroom and fall over the today on the way.

And we all know that alcohol can lead to a lack of inhibitions, causing people to act in ways that are out of character or that they might later regret. This means that you might say or do things that you wouldn't normally say or do, which can be particularly problematic on a first date. It can also affect emotional regulation and cause mood swings. This can make you more prone to getting into arguments or to behaving emotionally.

Additionally, alcohol can also affect one's social judgment, making a person more likely to engage in inappropriate or offensive behavior, or to say things they would not say while sober. This can make the date uncomfortable, and will make it less likely that the other person will want to see you again.

Drinking responsibly 

Drinking responsibly on a first date is crucial to making a good impression and having a successful date. Here are a few tips for drinking responsibly:

Set a limit: Before you start drinking, set a limit for yourself. Decide how many drinks you'll have and stick to that limit. This can help you avoid drinking too much and making poor decisions.

Alternate alcohol with water: Alternate your alcohol drinks with water. This can help you stay hydrated and reduce the effects of alcohol. It will also help you pace yourself and slow down the rate of drinking.

Eat before you drink: Eating a meal before you start drinking can help slow down the effects of alcohol. It can also help you feel more in control and less likely to make poor decisions.

Be aware of your own limits: Everyone's tolerance to alcohol is different. Be aware of your own limits and don't push yourself to drink more than you're comfortable with.

Don't drink and drive: Never drink and drive. It's not only illegal, but it's also incredibly dangerous. If you plan on drinking, make sure to arrange for a designated driver or take a taxi or ride-sharing service.

Be respectful of the other person's choices: If the other person doesn't want to drink or doesn't want to drink as much as you, respect their choices. Don't pressure them to drink or make them feel uncomfortable.

Don't Neglect Your Appearance

Outfit and grooming matters

Making a good first impression on a first date is crucial. The first impression you make can set the tone for the rest of the date and can determine whether or not the other person wants to see you again. 

A good first impression can make the other person feel comfortable and open to getting to know you better, while a bad first impression can make them want to leave the date as soon as possible.

Appearance and grooming are important factors in making a good first impression. Dressing appropriately and grooming well can make a big difference in how the other person perceives you. It can also make you feel more confident, which can help you make a good first impression.

Make sure you spend some time grooming the beard and using a good cologne, just a few basics like this can go a long way.

Dressing appropriately

Dressing appropriately can be a crucial factor in making a good first impression on a first date. Here are a few suggestions for dressing appropriately:

Dress for the occasion: Consider the location and the activity of the date when choosing what to wear. For example, if the date is at a fancy restaurant, it's best to dress in formal attire, while if it's a casual coffee date, it's best to dress in something more casual.

Be comfortable: Choose an outfit that makes you feel comfortable and confident. If you're not comfortable in what you're wearing, it can affect your mood and your ability to make a good first impression.

Avoid over-the-top or revealing clothing: On a first date, it's best to avoid clothing that is too revealing or over-the-top. Keep the focus on building a connection with the other person, not on showing off your body.

Be mindful of the weather: Be mindful of the weather and dress accordingly. Make sure you're dressed appropriately for the weather conditions to avoid being too hot or too cold.

Pay attention to the details: Pay attention to the details of your outfit, such as making sure your clothes are ironed, your shoes are clean, and your hair and grooming are in order. This shows that you put effort into your appearance and that you care about making a good first impression.

By following these suggestions, you can dress appropriately for a first date and make a good first impression. Remember that the way you dress can affect how the other person perceives you, so it's important to choose an outfit that makes you feel comfortable and confident and that is appropriate for the occasion.

What not to do on a first date

Here are some final pointers for you, which you need to avoid at all costs.

Don’t talk about yourself endlessly 

Talking about yourself endlessly on a date makes the other person feel like they're not being heard or that you're not interested in getting to know them. A first date is a two-way conversation and it's important to give the other person a chance to speak and to get to know them.

When someone talks about themselves endlessly, it can make the other person feel like they're not important, or that you're only interested in yourself. This can make them less likely to want to see you again. Additionally, talking about yourself endlessly can also make the conversation one-sided, which can make it less interesting and engaging.

Additionally, talking about yourself endlessly can also make the other person feel like they're being interrogated. They might feel uncomfortable sharing personal information and it can make the date feel less like a conversation and more like an interview.

It's important to find a balance between talking about yourself and asking the other person questions. By asking the other person questions and showing that you're genuinely interested in getting to know them, you can create a more positive and engaging conversation. This can help build a connection with the other person and make it more likely that they'll want to see you again.

Stop looking at your phone

Constantly looking at your phone during a date can signal to the other person that you're not fully present or that you're not interested in the date. Constantly checking your phone can make the other person feel ignored and unimportant, which can negatively impact the date.

It can also give the impression that you're not fully invested in the conversation or that you're not paying attention to what they are saying. This can make the other person feel like they're not important to you, and can make the date less engaging and less enjoyable.

Moreover, looking at your phone can also break the flow of the conversation and make it harder to reconnect after the interruption. It can make the other person feel like you're not fully engaged in the date and that you're not interested in getting to know them.

Pretending to be someone else

It is important not to pretend to be someone else during a date because it can lead to a disconnection between you and the other person and it can also lead to disappointment and mistrust. Pretending to be someone you're not can create a false sense of reality and can make it difficult to build a genuine connection with the other person.

When you pretend to be someone else, you're not being authentic, and the other person is likely to sense that. They may not trust you or may not be as open to getting to know the real you. This can make it difficult to build a connection with the other person, and can also make it less likely that they'll want to see you again.

Additionally, if you pretend to be someone else and the other person finds out, they may feel misled and betrayed. This can damage the trust that has been built and can make it difficult to move forward.

They’re only going to find out about the real you eventually anyway, so why hide it?

Giving unsolicited advice

Giving unsolicited advice during a date can make the other person feel like you're not listening to them or that you're not interested in their thoughts and feelings. 

Giving unsolicited advice can also make the other person feel like you're trying to control or change them, which can make them feel uncomfortable and defensive.

When you give unsolicited advice, it can also make the conversation one-sided and less engaging. It can also make the other person feel like they're not being heard or that their thoughts and feelings don't matter. This can negatively impact the date and make it less likely that the other person will want to see you again.

Additionally, giving unsolicited advice can also be seen as arrogant or dismissive. It can make the other person feel like you don't respect their opinions or that you think you know better than them.

Insisting on a second date

It's important not to insist on a second date because it can make the other person feel pressured or uncomfortable. Insisting on a second date can also make the other person feel like you're not interested in getting to know them and that you're only interested in the next step.

When you insist on a second date, it can make the other person feel like you're not interested in the current date, and that you're only thinking about the future. This can make them less likely to enjoy the current date, and can make it less likely that they'll want to see you again.

Additionally, insisting on a second date can also make the other person feel like they're not in control of the situation. It can make them feel like they're being pressured into something they're not ready for, which can make them feel uncomfortable and defensive.

Instead of insisting on a second date, it's important to focus on building a connection with the other person and to let things develop naturally. By showing that you're interested in getting to know them and by making them feel comfortable, you increase the chances that they'll want to see you again.

First date advice for men

So there you have it, the complete guide to what not to do on a first date.

We hope you take this advice on board. But above all, remember to relax and have fun. First dates are meant to be enjoyable.

If you’ve liked this guide then check out our article on first date advice for men, giving you a full rundown of exactly what you should be doing more of if you want to make a good first impression. 

Or check out our guide where we educate men about not simping over women.