How Long Should a First Date Last? The Secrets to Pacing

Pretty much every relationship starts with a first date. 

We all have to go through them, but that doesn’t make them any easier.

As well as sorting out the location, building confidence and choosing the best outfit to wow your date, you’re probably also wondering how long a first date should even last. 

Should it be short and sweet or longer and more in-depth? 

In this article, we'll explore the different factors that can affect the length of a first date and provide some tips and advice for men looking to make the most of their first date experience. 

From considering the level of comfort and familiarity to paying attention to verbal and nonverbal cues, we'll help you navigate the world of first dates with confidence and ease. 

Whether you're looking for something casual or something more serious, this article will provide you with the tools you need to decide how long should a first date last.

Factors to consider 

How comfortable are you with your date?

When it comes to determining the length of a first date, one important factor to consider is the level of comfort and familiarity between the two of you. 

If you've known each other for a while, or have already had some conversations or interactions before the first date, you may feel more at ease and able to spend more time together. 

However, if this is your first time meeting, you may want to keep the date shorter to see if you even want to spend more time together in the future.

If you're someone who tends to feel more nervous or anxious on first dates, it may be beneficial to start with a shorter date, such as meeting for coffee or a drink. This will give you a chance to get to know each other without the added pressure of a longer commitment.

On the other hand, if you're feeling confident and the conversation is flowing naturally, you may want to consider extending the date to include a meal or an activity. This will give you more time to get to know each other and establish a connection.

It's important to remember that there's no set rule for how long a first date should last and that it's ultimately up to the individuals and how they feel. Be aware of your own comfort level and how you're feeling during the date, and be open to adjusting the length of the date accordingly. And remember, it's ok to end the date early if you're not feeling it, the main goal is to have a good time and enjoy each other's company.

The activity or location of the date

Another important factor to consider is the activity or location of the date. This will impact the flow and pacing of the date, ultimately deciding how long it should last.

If you're planning on going to a concert or a movie, the date will have a set time limit and you'll have to plan the duration of your date accordingly. In this case, it may be a good idea to plan a shorter date and to meet up before or after the event for drinks or a meal.

If you're planning on going for something a bit more adventurous like a hike or a bike ride, the duration of the date will depend on the trail or route you choose. In this case, it may be a good idea to plan a longer date, as you'll have more time to talk and get to know each other while you're out and about.

For museums or art exhibits, the date may be shorter or longer depending on the size and layout of the exhibit. In this case, it may be a good idea to plan a shorter date and to meet up before or after the exhibit for drinks or a meal.

And if you’re thinking of treating your date to a meal, the duration of the date will depend on the restaurant and menu you choose. In this case, it may be a good idea to plan a longer date, as you'll have more time to talk and get to know each other over the course of dinner.

Just remember to be open to adjusting the length of the date based on how you're feeling and the nature of the activity or location. Who knows, it may go so well that you won’t want it to end.

The overall vibe and flow of the conversation

Another factor to consider when determining the length of a first date is the overall flow and vibe of the conversation. This can only be determined once you’re out there, but the way the conversation is flowing will decide how long you want the date to last.

If the conversation is flowing naturally and both of you are finding common ground, you may want to extend the date to give you more time to get to know each other. On the other hand if the conversation is stilted, or one person is dominating the conversation, you’ll probably be looking for the quickest exit.

Pay attention to nonverbal cues and body language to gauge how the other person is feeling. If they seem uncomfortable or disengaged, it may be a sign to end the date early.

It's also important to consider your own energy level and how you're feeling during the date. If you're feeling tired or stressed, there’s no shame in calling it a night.

The goal of a first date is to have a good time and get to know each other, not to adhere to a specific time frame. Be aware of the overall flow and vibe of the conversation and be open to adjusting the length of the date accordingly.

The pros and cons of a shorter vs. longer first date

Pros of a shorter date

One of the main pros of a shorter first date is that it can reduce the pressure and anxiety that can come with a longer date. 

A shorter date allows for less commitment and can make it easier for both individuals to end the date early if things aren't going well. This can be particularly beneficial for those who tend to feel more nervous or anxious on first dates.

A shorter date also allows for more flexibility in terms of scheduling. It can be easier to coordinate a shorter date, which can be beneficial if one or both individuals have busy schedules.

Another benefit of a shorter first date is that it allows for more opportunities to meet new people. If you're someone who likes to date around and meet new people, a shorter date can allow you to fit more dates into your schedule without feeling overwhelmed.

Finally, a shorter date can be a good way to test the waters before committing to a longer date. It can allow you to get a sense of the other person's personality and interests before deciding if you want to spend more time together.

Cons of a shorter date

While there are many pros to a shorter first date, there are also some downsides to consider. One of the main downsides is that a shorter date may not provide enough time for the two of you to get to know each other. 

A shorter date may not allow for in-depth conversations or the opportunity to establish a real connection. This can be frustrating if you're someone who's looking for something more serious.

Another downside to a shorter date is that it may not allow for the opportunity to try new things or engage in activities together. A shorter date may limit the options for activities or locations, which can make the date feel less exciting or interesting.

A shorter date can also make it harder to gauge the other person's level of interest. A shorter date may not provide enough time to determine if there's a mutual connection or attraction. This can make it harder to decide if you want to see the person again.

Finally, a shorter date can also be seen as less thoughtful or less invested. If you're trying to make a good first impression, a shorter date may not be the best way to do that.

Pros of a longer date

There are several advantages to having a longer first date. One of the main advantages is that it allows for more time to get to know each other. A longer date provides more opportunities for in-depth conversations, which can help to establish a deeper connection. This is particularly beneficial if you're looking for something more serious or long-term.

A longer date also allows for more flexibility in terms of activities and locations. A longer date can include multiple activities or locations, which can make the date feel more exciting and interesting. This can also help to keep the conversation flowing and to break the ice.

A longer date also allows for more opportunities to gauge the other person's level of interest. A longer date provides more time to observe the other person's behavior and body language, which can help to determine if there's a mutual connection or attraction. This can be beneficial in deciding if you want to see the person again.

Another advantage of a longer date is that it can be seen as more thoughtful or invested. If you're trying to make a good first impression, a longer date can show that you're interested and willing to put in the time and effort.

Cons of a longer date

While there are several advantages to having a longer first date, there are also some downsides to consider. One of the main downsides is that a longer date can increase the pressure and anxiety that can come with a shorter date. 

A longer date can make it feel like there's a greater commitment, which can make it harder to end the date early if things aren't going well. This can be particularly frustrating if you're someone who tends to feel more nervous or anxious on first dates.

A longer date can also be harder to coordinate due to scheduling conflicts or other obligations. A longer date may be more difficult to plan and may require more advanced notice, which can be a disadvantage if one or both individuals have busy schedules.

Another downside to a longer date is that it can limit the number of people you can meet. A longer date may make it harder to fit multiple dates into your schedule, which can be a disadvantage if you're someone who likes to date around and meet new people.

Finally, a longer date can be seen as less casual and more serious. If you're someone who prefers to take things slow and not rush into a commitment, a longer date may not be the best option.

Tips for pacing a first date

Pay attention to body language and verbal cues

Paying attention to verbal and nonverbal cues are an important aspect of pacing a first date. Verbal cues refer to the words and phrases that the other person uses, while nonverbal cues refer to their body language and facial expressions. By paying attention to both types of cues, you can get a better sense of how the other person is feeling and how the date is progressing.

Verbal cues to pay attention to include the tone of voice, the rate of speech, and the level of engagement in the conversation. For example, if the other person is speaking in a monotone voice or avoiding eye contact, it may be a sign that they're not interested or engaged in the conversation. On the other hand, if they're speaking in an animated tone and maintaining eye contact, it may be a sign that they're interested and enjoying the conversation.

Nonverbal cues to pay attention to include body language, facial expressions, and physical touch. For example, crossed arms, fidgeting, or avoiding physical contact may be a sign that the other person is feeling uncomfortable or disengaged. On the flipside, open body language, smiling, and initiating physical contact may be a sign that they're feeling comfortable and interested.

It's also important to pay attention to your own verbal and nonverbal cues and to be aware of how you're coming across to the other person. By paying attention to verbal and nonverbal cues, you can adjust the pacing of the date accordingly and make sure that both individuals are comfortable and having a good time.

Be aware of how much time has passed 

Being aware of how much time has passed during a first date helps with pacing. It can help you to gauge the flow and vibe of the date and to make adjustments as needed.

One way to keep track of time during a date is to set a rough time frame in advance. For example, you could plan to meet for coffee at 1pm and to get to the museum by 2pm, wrapping things up by 4pm. This can give you a general idea of how long the date should last and can help you to pace the date accordingly.

Keep an eye on the time and make adjustments to your schedule as needed. For example, if you've been talking for an hour and you're both still engaged in the conversation, you may want to extend the date. On the other hand, if you've been talking for an hour and you're both starting to feel tired or disengaged, you may want to consider ending the date early.

The goal of a first date is to have a good time and get to know each other, not to adhere to a specific time frame. By being aware of how much time has passed, you can be more flexible and make adjustments as needed to ensure that both individuals are comfortable and having a good time.

Be open to ending the date early

Being open to ending a first date early if things aren't going well is an important aspect of pacing. It can help to prevent a potentially uncomfortable or unsatisfying experience for the both of you.

Be aware of your own feelings and comfort level during the date. If you're feeling uncomfortable or disengaged, it's okay to end the date early. Pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues from your date, and be aware of how they're feeling. If they seem uncomfortable or disengaged, it may be a sign that it's time to end the date.

And emember that a first date is not a commitment, you can end the date early if things aren't going well. Ending the date early can be a respectful and considerate way to handle a situation where there's no connection or interest.

Try to have a plan in case you need to end the date early. For example, you could have a pre-arranged signal with a friend, or have a plan for transportation or a backup activity in case you need to leave early.

How long should a first date last 

The length of a first date ultimately depends on the two people involved and the circumstances. 

Each of the factors above can affect how long the date should last and should be taken into account when planning things.

It's also important to remember that there are pros and cons to both shorter and longer first dates, and that the length of the date is not the most important thing. The main goal of a first date is to have a good time and get to know each other. 

Don’t overthink things, instead focusing on having a fun time and getting to know your date. Don't stress too much about the length of the date or other details, just be yourself and have a good time. Remember, the most important thing is to enjoy the company of the other person and to see if there's a connection.

If you liked that article check out our guide on building confidence on a first date. 

Or check out our round-up on how to approach a first date.